A Little Light In My Life (Damon&Elena)
by luna.ibelieveinmagic
Summary: When Elena learns that she's pregnant and alone at 17 her entire life changes, but nothing compares to the fear she feels when she learns that there's something wrong with her pregnancy and that her baby will have to be born after only 7 months. Damon Salvvatore is the young doctor in charge of saving her baby, but what if he is the one that needs to be saved? (DELENA - AU)
1. Prologue

_**Hi folks!**_

 _ **so... here's a new story. For those who don't know me, I'm Luna. I'm studying English Literature at university and this story is my first shot at translating my work to english. I wrote this story in Spanish a few years ago and last week I found it and tought that I should give it a try.**_

 _ **The story is finished but I'm in the translation progress and I'm in the middle of my first year at university so maybe I won't update as often as I would like but I promise I'll try my best.**_

 _ **Ok, this a Delena story, in which all characters are HUMAN (alternative universe) The story is told from Elena's POV (something I haven't done in a while). I hope you enjoy this story as much as I did. Can't wait to read your opinions!**_

 _ **P.S.: I'm a language student and I'm trying to improve my english everyday so feel free to make any suggestions about how should I improve my writing skills ;)**_

 _ **Love, Luna.**_

* * *

 _ **Prologue**_

That day started like any other. My routine was always the same. The normal life of a normal teenager with normal problems and worries. But that was just about to change.

For as long as I can remember, I've lived with my mother Miranda and my sister Jenna. Mom used to tell me stories about my dad, about how they fell in love when she met him working as a maid in his mansion. He was not-so-happily married and had three children. According to her version, they fell in love at first sight. Mom was nineteen when she discovered that she was pregnant with me. And of course, my dad wanted us both out of his life. He didn't want his not-so-perfect life to be ruined by what he considered a mistake. People in this world is cruel.

My dad, whose name I don't even know, offered Miranda money to pay for everything I could need as long as she would keep my existence a secret and that's pretty much everything I know about him.

That's how my parent's love story failed. I was the consequence of that mistake, I was the mistake itself.

I tried to avoid those thoughts while I got ready for school. After all, there was nothing I could do to change the past. What I didn't know back then was that I couldn't do anything to change my future either. I had already made my own mistake, the only thing left was for me to realise it.

"Goodmorning, Lena" said my mom smling when I joined her for breakfast at the kitchen.

"Hi mom"

"Is Kai coming or you need a ride to school today?"

"He's coming" I smiled "Where's Jenna?"

"I think she's taking a shower.

Kai Parker, my boyfriend. We had been together for six months at that point. And obviously, I thought I loved him as much as a seventeen year old teenager can love his eighteen year old boyfriend.

Kai was one of those guys. Those who were capable of weakening the entire population of girl's knees with a single grin. He was ridiculously attractive, captain of the football team. He was definitely going to become the prom king and all I wanted was to be her queen. Back then, I couldn't see him for what he actually was: and idiot, a waste of space. Someone who I should have never crossed paths with.

"Mom, remember the movie I told you about? We could go to watch it tomorrow, Jenna would like it too, I'm sure."

"Yes, that would be great, sweetheart" she smiled at me "What time do you want to go?"

But I couldn't answer. Suddenly the breakfast started to taste crappy and everything around me started to spin around. I could feel the blood leaving my face and the food trying to make its way out of my stomach. Not a good sign, not at all.

"Elena, is everything ok?" my mom asked but her voice seemed too far away.

I shook my head no unable to open my mouth to speak and I run off to the bathroom. Everything I had eaten making its way back out again. I hated to throw up. It was the fourth time this week and I was starting to lose my mind.

"Sweetie are you ok?" my mother asked me knocking the bathroom's door while I brushed my teeth.

"Yes" I told her as soon as I left the bathroom, the disgusting sensations slowly starting to disappear from my body.

"You should go to a doctor, Elena. This is not normal."

"Yeah, yeah... I know" I sighed "Is there any medicine that can make me feel better? Kai will be here any second"

"Yes, I bought some yesterday" she told me, I could see her worry all over her face while looked for the pills and then gave me one "Here"

"Thanks mom"

"Morning" said Jenna before kissing my mom's cheek.

"Morning Jen" I greeted her.

While my mother and sister shared some small talk I took the pill my mom gave me. I knew I shouldn't, I wasn't stupid enough to not know that a woman in my condition shouldn't take any medicine. But I didn't want to think about that. After all, I was going to talk to Kai that day. My time of pretending that I was only a normal teenager was running out quite fast.

Why did this have to happen to me? My life used to be kind of cool. I had a more than handsome boyfriend, lots of friends and everybody at school loved us. I didn't have time to worry about something like that, but the results of the test I had taken the week before didn't leave room to any doubts. I was in trouble.

Minutes passed fast and soon the usual soft noise of Kai's car made me realise that my boyfriend was waiting for me. I said goodbye to my mom and Jenna and left the house. Everything seemed to be so normal that it almost hurt. What if I pretended that it wasn't happening? I wondered while I walked towards Kai's car. No. I couldn't deny the truth anymore, I had being doing that for almost two months now. I had to accept it, and I had to talk to him.

"Hi babe" Kai greeted me when I joined him in the car, smiling at me with that smile that made me feel strange things.

"Hey" I told him leaning in to kiss him.

"How are you?"

"I... haven't been feeling well this morning. Again" I told him with a soft shy voice.

"Don't worry. It's nothing" he told me without paying much attention "Hey, there's a party at my dad's place tonight. Luke's turning sixteen and we have to celebrate"

As usual, Kai didn't use to care that much about what I said. The only important things for him were parties and popularity. It was no secret that I was one of the most desired girls at school, and having me as his girlfriend was a big gift for his ego. As long as I was available in his bed whenever he wanted and I followed him to every party he wanted me to go, everything was ok.

This was not going to be easy.

"I don't really feel in the party mood today. I told you I haven't been feeling well lately"

"It's Luke's birthday, babe. We have to be there" he told me letting his hand fall on my upper thigh as he drived.

"It's not like your brother will die if I'm not there. He doesn't like me anyway"

"But I do. Just think about it... my dad is out for a week, we have the entire house for ourselves. We can do it in daddy dearest's bed while everybody is down enjoying the party" he grined.

"Kai!" I scolded him "We're not having sex in your dad's bed"

"Fine, fine..." he surrendered "We still have my room" he sing songed.

I didn't answer. After what I had to tell him, probably I wouldn't be welcome at tonight's party anyway. I needed to talk to him alone and we were five minutes away from school, it was time to change my strategy to get his attention.

I used the next red light to pull him into my arms and kiss him. After all these months, I knew everything he liked and it didn't took me much to get him turned on. I could notice that he wanted me in the way he touched me, in the way he breathed... It was nice to have that kind of power over him.

"Hey..." I whispered against his neck "I was thinking... What if we skip school today?" I started to run my hand up and down his chest, looking into his eyes with my best puppy face.

"Mmm... I like the way you think, babe" he smiled "My place?"

"Sure" I said going back to my previous position in the seat when he started to drive again.

Kai's home wasn't far away from mine and in just a few minutes we were there. His mother and siblings had already left so we had the house for ourselves.

As soon as we got inside, he pushed me against the door and kissed me hard, pushing his body against mine and starting to touch me everywhere he could reach.

Shit. This was not how I wanted things to be today, but again it was my fault.

"Hey..." I told him trying to push him away.

"Shut up, Elena. It can wait" he interrupted me starting to undo his pants.

"It can't" I told him trying to get away "We need to talk, it's important"

"No, it's not" he told me and before I could speak again he kissed me.

There was nothing I could do. I didn't want to piss him off, so I let him do as he pleased. It was always like that with Kai. Rough, fast and hard. He wasn't sweet but somehow I felt I deserved it so I held on to him and allowed him to fuck me right against the door. Everytime was worse and I had to close my eyes and pretend I was somewhere else while he burried himself inside me. I hated it, but I needed to feel loved, I needed to feel wanted, and he was the only one who could give me that so I pretended that I was enjoying myself and when the time came, I faked an orgasm to please Kai while he finished inside my body.

"Shit" he cursed "I'm sorry babe, I was going to pull out but..."

"It's ok" I told him, after all nothing worse than what was already happening could happen "Don't worry"

"Do you want to watch me play some videogames?" he asked while he pulled out of me, leaving me on the floor carelessly.

"No Kai, I want to talk to you" I repeated trying to fix my clothes.

"Fine" he rolled his eyes "Come sit with me"

I followed him to the couch and we both sat. He frowned when I didn't sit on his lap and I took a deep breath trying to get mentally ready for what I wanted to say. This was it. The moment that would define my life forever.

"Ok, say whatever you've got to say" he told me with a bored expression.

"Alright..." I started, my hands were shaking, but he didn't notice "I'm... Kai, I'm pregnant" I confessed and saying the words out loud made me feel like something was breaking inside me. I wanted to cry.

In one second Kai's relaxed expression changed to a horrified one. Then it changed to confusion and then to fury. Finally, his eyes showed disgust.

He looked at me in silence for a few seconds and then he looked away like if I didn't exist at all. His silence was starting to drive me crazy.

"You're not gonna say anything?" I asked with fear.

"You have to go to a clinic" he ordered.

"Is that everything you're gonna say? I'm not stupid, I know that"

"Well obviously you are. I mean that you have to go to a clinic now. We've got to get rid of that thing as soon as possible"

When I heard his words something actually broke inside of me. My boyfriend thought that the baby was a thing. A mistake. He wanted me to kill it so that his problem would be dealt with the easy way.

I thought about it for a second. It was the easiest way. That would be the way out of all of my problems. It was a fast and easy way out. Nobody needed to know and I could be able to carry on with my life as a normal teenager. It was the smartest thing to do. But I couldn't even bare to think about it. Something inside of me didn't allow me to consider the idea of hurting it. It was like an instinct. As simple as breathing, I couldn't allow anything anything to hurt that tiny creature.

"I won't do that, Kai" I told him when I knew that there was no other possible answer to what he was telling me to do.

"And what are you gonna do, Elena? You want to have a baby at seventeen? Everybody will talk about this!" he shouted "I have a reputation, friends, a life"

"I don't care about your stupid reputation" I shouted back "We're talking about a human being's life here, Kai. Our child's life..."

"I don't have a child! It's your damn body, your life. Your decision. You must get rid of it before it's too late!"

"We're not talking about a tattoo or a haircut, Kai! This is about a baby's life. How can you be so heartless?!" I cried.

"Everything's your fault!" he accused me "You're the one having a baby. It's not my problem"

"Kai! This is your fucking problem as much as it's mine! Do you think I'm happy about this?"

"If you're not happy then get rid of the problem!"

"I CAN'T!" I screamed "I can't decide over somebody else's life. I can't kill it. It deserves a chance to live" and just like that I was crying.

"What? You want to play houses now?" he eyed me with disgust "You'll never be able to rise a child"

"I'm not gonna let you hurt it" I warned him.

"I don't care about what you do. That thing's not gonna ruin my life. I want you out of my house, Elena. I never want to see you again"

"Kai..." I cried "Please..."

"Out. Now!"

The rage in his eyes was so deep that for a second I feared him.

"I'm sorry..." I told him, my view clouded by my tears.

"You should be..."

"Please, Kai. I can't do this alone... Help me"

"I'm going to have a drink from my dad's office. You better not be here when I come back. I don't want to hear anything about you or that bastard ever again. I want you out of my life, Elena."

And just like that, I was alone.

I felt like the worst crap in the whole world. Everything was going in the wrong direction and it was all my damn fault.


	2. Bad News

_**Hello!**_

 _ **How are you beautiful people?**_

 _ **Thank you all for favouriting, following and reviewing my story. I'm so so so happy to see that you lilke this!**_

 _ **So, I brought the first chapter of this story, which takes place a few months after the prologue, when Elena is going through her seventh month of pregnancy.**_

 _ **I hope you like this and I'm looking forward to read your opinions on this chapter :)**_

* * *

 _ **Chapter 1: Bad News**_

 _You're just a small bump unknown, you'll grow into your skin._

 _With a smile like hers and a dimple beneath your chin._

 _Finger nails the size of a half grain of rice,_

 _And eyelids closed to be soon opened wide_

"I'm back!" I announced as I closed the door after another long day of work.

I smiled when I found my sister waiting for me to eat dinner. "Hi Jenna, how was your day?"  
"Do you really need to ask?" she faked a smile "Long"

Jenna and I had spent the last months working part time jobs to save money for the birth of my baby. I had decided to give the baby up for adoption. It was the wiser thing to do, but anyway I needed the money for things like vitamins and doctor appointments. I had dropped off my studies a month ago because it was impossible to work, study and prepare for the birth of a baby at the same time, so I studied from home when I had time.

Time flew. I had been pregnant for seven months and things were getting more and more difficult. Soon I wouldn't be able to work and just the thought of giving birth sacared me to death.

"I'm so tired…" I told my sister when we started eating the sandwiches she had made for me. With my free hand, I started to rub my round belly. It was crazy to think that there was a life growing inside my body, but it was still scaring as hell.

"I can't imagine what it is like" Jenna told me looking at me with a sad smile "Are you sure about giving the baby up?"

"Yes" I sighed "It's the right thing to do, Jen. I can't be a mother"

She didn't answer. I knew my sister didn't want me to send the baby away and to be honest, I was starting to feel attached to it but I tried not to think about that much. This craziness would soon be over. In two months my baby would be born, somebody would find a family to take care of him or her and I would be free to come back to my old life.

I was thinking about all that when the pain surprised me. I felt my belly contract so painfully that I had to close my eyes and suppress a cry.

"Elena! Are you ok?" Jenna asked rushing to my side.

"I… I don't know" I muttered. It was the third time that I felt that kind of pain today and I was starting to get scared.

"What was that?"

But before I could answer the pain silenced me again and this time I couldn't stop myself and a cry of pain left my mouth.

"Elena!"

"Oh my god…" I whispered as I felt the weird sensation of something wet between my legs "The baby"

"Mom!" Jena shouted into the phone "Mom call me as soon as you get this, there's something with Elena" she said before turning her attention back to me "What do I do?"

"I don't know" I felt the tears of absolute terror starting to fill my eyes. I've never been so terrified in my life "Oh my god, it hurts!" I screamed with my hand in my belly.

"What the hell is happening?" Jenna asked rhetorically.

"Call a taxi, Jen. We have to go to the hospital" I told her with my eyes filled with tears "I need to go to the bathroom"

She did as I said and for the first time in my life I felt my heart about to stop when I went to the bathroom and I discovered blood mixed with a weird white-ish liquid between my legs. I haven't been reading much about pregnancy but I knew this was not good news. Nohing like that should be happening when the birth was still two months away.

I didn't want to think about the meaning of what was happening but I soon felt another jolt of pain and the tears started to pour down my cheeks. I had never felt so scared, it was a nightmare.

"Elena… We have to go, the car is waiting" Jenna announced knocking the bathroom's door.

I spent the drive from home to the hospital in silence, squeezing my sister's hand when the pain hit me.

Jenna figured out that I was in shock and she did all the talking while I followed her and the doctors in silence. This was not happening. It couldn't be happening…

Sooner than what i thought I found myself in a small room next to the equipment needed to make an ultrasound. I've been through a few during the pregnancy but it never was as scary as this one seems to be.

The technician in charge of the ultrasound is a kind young woman who soon figures out that I'm not in the mood for talking and just does her job without making stupid questions. All I want right now is to hear the sound of the heart beat. I need to know my baby is ok. I don't know what I'd do if there was no baby anymore, I can't even bare to think about that.

"Is everything ok?" I asked with my shaking voice even though I knew that that it wasn't.

"How far along are you, Elena?" she asked avoiding my question.

"Twentynine weeks" I muttered.

"The baby's size doesn't match that period…" she says almost to herself while she reaches into her pockets to find a pager.

"Is it… alive?" I ask terrified, tears threatening to leave my eyes.

She takes a long second to answer and it is the damn longest second in my long existence.

"Yes" she says after a long pause.

"I want to hear the heartbeat" I tell her without thinking.

And she agrees. The second the sound fills the room I feel like I'm flying. But soon the good feeling fades: I've heard this sound before, and it's not the same. It's slower than before, it seems weak.

"Your baby hasn't been feeding properly for two weeks" she tells me after she makes some strange things with the computer and I don't even wonder how the hell she knows that "It's a miracle she's still alive. We need to get her out. Now."

Her words were cold and harsh and in that moment I felt the entire world starting to crumble. How? How did this happen? Why didn't I notice that something was going wrong? What did I do wrong? There was something not functioning with my body, and my baby was paying the price.

"Why?" I asked.

"I called your doctor" the woman informed me ignoring my question again "They will do a c-section and they will get your baby out. You need to relax and wait"

"But… the baby is not ready. It's been just seven months…"

"I'm sorry. It's the only chance"

I've never wanted to cry so bad in my life and to make things worse, a new jolt of pain crossed my belly. What the hell was going on with my body?

"Call mom" I asked Jenna who seemed to be petrified in a corner of the room.

"Yes" she whispered and grabbed my phone mechanically to make the call.

I felt the doctors around me without actually feeling anything while they prepared me for surgery. They runned tests on my blood and they connected me to five different monitors to watch the baby's state. In fifteen minutes, I had a small group of five doctors running around me like if their lives depended on it.

"Mommy" I whispered when I saw her entering the room. She knelt next to me and kissed my forehead "Mommy, I'm so scared" I cried.

"Everything is going to be alright, I promise"

"And what if it isn't?" I whispered consumed by fear.

"You must have hope, Elena. That's the only way"

"I can't do this mom. This is my fault. The baby is in danger because of me…"

"Shh…" she hugged me "Don't say that sweetie. I trust you. You'll see that everything will be ok"

"I'm sorry to interrupt Miss Gilbert. But the operating room is ready. It's time"

My mom and Jenna pushed the wheelchair the doctors had given me to the operating room while I tried to think about the fact that this was the last time I got to see my family being pregnant. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare right now.

"Look at me, Elena" Miranda told me when we reached the white doors of the operating room and I raised my teary eyes to meet hers "I trust you, you can do this"

"I love you mommy" I whispered.

"Good luck, I love you sis" Jenna hugged me and before I knew it the doctors pushed the wheelchair and my family was left behind.

The doctors moved too fast, every second seem to count.

The operating room was horrible. White and cold as a winter's day. I was shaken with fear as soon as I entered the room. I decided not to look at the operating table for obvious reasons and some nurses helped me to settle down on a cold hospital bed where the operation would take place. Soon, a group of people entered the room and they started to prepare me for the birth of my baby.

"Good evening. You are Elena, aren't you?" A kind woman told me approaching my bed.

I just nodded my head, the tears didn't allow me to speak at all.

"I'm doctor Fell. One of the doctors just started to give you the anesthetics" she pointed to one of the bags filled with liquids that were connected to my arm "In a few minutes you will feel really tired and you'll fall asleep, ok?"

"Ok…" I managed to say.

"When you wake up you'll be in another room. The paediatrician team is waiting on this same room, they will take care of your baby" she told me trying to make me feel better.

"I'm scared" I cried.

"Don't be, everything will be ok" she smiled and soon somebody called me from the other corner of the room. And I was left alone again.

"Hey…" one of the doctors said kneeling next to me "Are you, ok?"

His hair and a half or his face were covered and the only thing I could see of his face was a pair blue eyes. The bluest eyes I had seen in my whole life.

"Here" he whispered offering me his hand to take and I took it desperate for the feeling of company. I could see his reassuring smile in the color of his eyes "Better?"

"I'm terrified" I confessed with new tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Hey, don't cry. You'll be ok" he promised.

"I'm worried about my baby" I told him starting to feel the effects of the anesthesia.

"I'm part of the paediatrician team" he said with a soft tone checking my vitals on the monitor from the corner of his eye "My job is to be there as soon as the baby is out and do everything in my power to save him or her" he told me and my crying softened "I promise I will take care of your baby and make sure nothing bad happens. Please don't cry" he whispered and I gave him a broken smile.

"Thank you" I muttered.

"You must be strong" I heard him say as my eyes closed due to the powerful anesthetics "Your baby is gonna need you after the operation"

Everything started to fade away and I tried to hold on to the doctor's hand but it was impossible. I was losing myself inside my own body.

I felt the deepest fear I've felt in my life crossing my entire body for a second. And then, nothing.

* * *

 ** _PS: Who do you think this misterious doc is?_**

 ** _PS2: Muchas gracias a mis hermosas lectoras de habla hispana. (Noe, amiga de mi corazón, me hizo increíblemente feliz tu comentario! Abrazos bella!)_**


	3. Newborn Love

Hi there!

I'm back with a new chapter. Something a little sad and with some DE interaction :)

20 followers? This is crazy! Thank you guys!

I can't tell you how grateful I am for your response to my story.

Enjoy it!

* * *

 ** _Chapter 2: Newborn Love_**

 _Everything is dark_  
 _it's more than you can take_  
 _but you catch a glimpse of sunlight_  
 _shining, shining down on your face_

I couldn't see anything but darkness. The anesthetics seemed to still be having effect but even when I couldn't open my eyes, I could feel the pain all over my body. I felt literally empty and in a lot of pain. The only feelings that invaded my brain were fear and worry. All I could think about was how painful it was to not know anything about the wellbeing of that tiny creature that had been growing inside my belly for the last months.

I could clearly feel the empty spot where my baby had spent the last twenty nine weeks. I could feel the void in my chest, right where my heart was. I was utterly and absolutely alone in the darkness, I didn't know where I was and the only thing I knew for sure was that my baby was no longer with me. I didn't know if he or she was ok. I didn't even know if he or she was alive…

For an endless amount of time, all I could feel was this heartbreaking sensation of loneliness and and the terrible amount of pain in the lower part of my body.

Slowly, I started to recover consciousness. I could hear my mom and Jenna's voices and I arrived to the conclusion that they were both sitting by my side in the hospital room.

"Mom…" I mumbled trying to fight the medicines to open my eyes.

"Elena" she rushed towards me "Darling, are you ok?"

"Where… where's the baby?" I struggled to get out the words.

But something else stole my attention.

Next to me, on the other bed, I saw a woman a couple of years older than me. It wasn't easy to focus my sight, but once I was able to do it the image in front of me made me want to scream in pain. She had a newborn baby in her arms.

If I've ever thought that I knew the definition of the word envy, in that moment I discovered that I had been wrong. I had never ever desired something that wasn't mine with that force in my life. It was a feeling so strong and clear that I could almost see it in the air around my body. I envied that woman's happiness. She was there, lying in bed with a smile on her face and a small baby sleeping against her chest.

And I wanted that. I'd never wanted something as much as I wanted to feel what she must had been feeling. And it was impossible.

"My baby" I cried trying to push away the effect of the medicines that made their way into my body from a bag next to my bed "It hurts…"

But I couldn't form any meaningful sentence, the effect of the medicine was still too strong and I felt too sad to make any effort to push against the need to close my eyes. I spent hours immersed in a confusing cloud between consciousness and unconsciousness.

My mind tried to command my stupid body to react, I shouldn't be here. I needed to be with my baby. He or she needed me and I wasn't there.

Slowly, the effect of the medicines started to fade and I finally regained control over my body. For a moment all I could feel was how different the disposition of everything inside my body was. I felt empty in a strange kind of way. My stomach hurt and somehow I felt like something was missing inside of me. _Baby_. I needed to know where my baby was.

"Elena" Jenna said when I opened my eyes "Elena, how are you?"

"Where's my baby?" I asked trying to get up but the pain stopped me.

"Lena, calm down, the doctor said…"

"I can't calm down Jenna!" I tried to shout "Where's my baby?" I asked with the tears starting to roll down my eyes. I needed to know about the baby, I needed to know if it was alive. I couldn't even bare to think about the possibility that my baby could not be alive.

"She's with the doctors" Jenna said "Mom and I have been taking turns to wait next to the door. They don't want to tell us anything. All we know is that it's a girl"

 _A girl._

The words started bouncing in my mind. Pulled by an instinct, I tried to touch my belly closing my eyes in pain when I felt it was flat again. She wasn't with me anymore. I had left her and I couldn't forgive myself.

As soon as I fully understood the baby's absence a feeling stronger than any other hit me: pain. The worst kind of pain.

I used to hate myself for making the mistake of allowing Kai to knock me up and as a consequence of that feeling I had ended up partly hating the result of that mistake but now all I felt for that baby was a strange kind of love that I didn't even know that had been growing up inside my heart all this time.

I needed my baby daughter. I wasn't scared of saying that anymore. I wasn't ashamed of her, I wasn't mad anymore. Suddenly, a warm feeling started to spread through my body. I had a daughter. And I couldn't stand to not be near her.

The realization hit me like a rock. I loved her. I loved my daughter and I needed her more than I needed the air to breath.

"I need to see her" I said trying to get up.

"Lena, the doctors said you can't leave the bed yet" Jenna held me still and the pain didn't allow me to fight back.

"You don't understand" I said with a broken voice "I need to see her… I need to know she's ok" I cried.

"I'll call a doctor to check you out. Maybe they'll let you see her" she said carefully and left the room.

When she left I looked around and noticed that the bed next to mine was empty, the woman from earlier had left and she was probably happily at home with her baby. I hated her.

"Good evening Miss Gilbert" the doctor's voice distracted me from my thoughts "I'm Dr Fell, do you remember me from the operating room?" she asked and I nodded "How are you feeling?"

"Where's my baby?" I asked as soon as she came into the room.

"You had a small baby girl" she said carefully, somehow I felt she pitied me "She's in the neonatal intensive care unit and there's a team of qualified doctors working to make sure she's in stable conditions"

"Is she ok?" I asked terrified for the answer.

"I'm not allowed to answer any questions about her conditions. I'm sorry" she told me "I need to check how are you and one of the members of the neonatal unit will come to tell you about her situation in a few hours if you're ok" she clarified "I'll ask you again. How are you feeling Elena?"

"It hurts… But I want to go and see my baby"

Everybody ignored me.

All I did for hours was ask the doctors about my baby but nobody listened. All they said was that she was in delicated conditions and that they were not allowed to give me more information. It was infuriating.

"Mom" I called her tired of everything "Please, go find my baby's doctors. I can't stand this anymore" I said unable to stop myself from crying.

"Ok" my mom told me nodding her head "I'll go to see if I can find someone. Jenna can you watch your sister?"

"Sure" my sister smiled.

"Thanks mom" I told her with teary eyes.

The waiting had me going crazy and I almost got up from my bed to go and find some answers myself when my mother came back with a doctor dressed in blue hospital clothes walking behind her.

"Thank god" I muttered under my breath and I sat up on my bed ignoring the pain.

"Hello Miss…" he looked down to the papers he had resting on his right arm "...Gilbert" he finished as he came closer to my bed.

"I need to see my baby" I pleaded as soon as he was close enough to hear my voice.

He looked up as soon as he heard me and his eyes met mine.

The bluest eyes I've ever seen.

It was him. The doctor who promised me to take care of my baby before I fell asleep in the operating room. He seemed completely worn out. His blue eyes didn't seem as bright as before and for some reason I found his exhausted expression unsettling.

"You…" he whispered taking another step closer to my bed "How are you feeling?"

"I need to see my baby!" I told him sick of that stupid question. I didn't give a damn about the pain. I just wanted to see my daughter.

"Can I have a word with Miss Gilbert?" he asked my mom and Jenna.

"Of course" my mom said and they both left the room.

"Is she ok?" I asked as soon as Jenna closed the door behind her.

He made a pause before answering. I knew that look. It wasn't good.

"No…" he admitted running his hand through his dark hair.

I wanted to say something, but suddenly the crying blocked my ability to talk.

 _No._

What the hell did that even mean?

"I'm Dr Salvatore, I'm in charge of the night shift of the neonatal intensive care unit this week. We met before your surgery" he said with a soft voice. He was trying to distract me.

"Please, tell me she will be ok" I pleaded.

"Her condition is complicated…" he sighed "The first few hours were critical. We almost lost her twice"

"No… why?" I whispered, my voice absolutely broken and my view clouded by the tears. Shit. I didn't want to cry anymore. All I wanted was to see my baby.

"Do you really feel strong enough to hear all of this right now?" he asked showing concern in his voice.

"I don't care. I need to know"

"Do you mind if I take a seat? It's been a long day" he told me pointing to the white chair next to my bed.

"As you wish" I took a deep breath trying to keep my emotions under control "What's wrong with my baby?"

"Your little girl gave us all a quite exhausting evening" he informed me "She's a fighter"

For the first time in what seemed like too much time, I felt a smile curving my lips.

"I won't lie to you, Miss Gilbert… I'm actually shocked, nobody back in the NICU could understand how she managed to keep her heart beating" he confessed and I wanted to cry again. They were surprised, that meant that they thought she could have died.

"But she'll be ok, right?"

"It's too soon to make any promises. I'm sorry"

"What… what's wrong with her?" I asked shaken by his lack of positiveness.

"She weighs 2.5 pounds, that's a problem itself. She's too small…" he started and I struggled to imagine such a small little person "What we are more worried about right now is the fact that she suffers from what we call Respiratory Distress Syndrome. RDS is a common condition in newborns born before 37 weeks of gestation. It bassically means that her lungs can't expand and contract normally. She's not able to breathe by herself so right now she's receiving oxygen by means of mechanical ventilation"

He gave me a few seconds to let that information sink in and when I nodded he continued speaking.

"Her heart is also weak. She has low blood pressure and a heart defect known as PDA which means that her ductus arteriosus is not closing as it normally should"  
"What does that mean?" I asked confused.

"Right now, it means that her heart is just weak. This heart defect often closes on its own and we are trying to help the process with medicine. It's very important that her heart resists for at least a week. PDA shouldn't be a problem if she is able to keep her heart beating for ten days or so…"

"Do you think she'll make it?" I asked trying to take it all in.

"I'm not allowed to answer that kind of questions. I'm sorry"

For a long minute we both stayed silent. He didn't want to give me hope, but I needed it.

"Please…" I whispered.

"I honestly don't know, Miss Gilbert. It's up to her" he made a pause "Shall I continue?"

There was _more_? I thought that was all… Shit, I wasn't ready to keep hearing how my baby's life was in danger.

I nodded my head trying to contain the tears. My lower lip shaking with the effort.

"Are you sure you want me to go on?" he asked me trying to look into my eyes but I avoided his gaze.

"I need to know" I muttered.

"You need to be strong. You've just been through a complicated surgery, you lost a lot of blood. It's important that you recover and listening to bad news is not gonna help you to do that".

"Just tell me" I asked him wiping my tears.

"She has an abnormally low level of blood sugar, which is something that could be expected given the fact that her birth weight is so low. We are working to help her reach normal levels. Her immune system is underdeveloped which represents a high risk of infection. Infection in a premature baby can quickly spread to the bloodstream and cause a life-threatening complication so right now we have to be extremely careful. She's having some temperature control issues but we are controlling that quite well. Of course she can't leave the incubator at all and we are feeding her by means of a feeding tube" he made another pause and stared deep into my eyes. I felt like he was trying to make sure that I wasn't gonna break "Given her critical conditions it's almost a miracle that she doesn't show signs of brain damage or any kind of neurological problems. But it's too soon to tell she's not in danger of developing this kind of issues"

Too much information. Too many tubes.

My baby. I just wanted to see my baby. _Why can't I see my baby?_

"Are you ok, Miss Gilbert?" he asked after a few seconds of silence.

"No", I told him honestly and waited a moment to continue "When can I see her?"

"I'm sorry. But right now that's not a possibility"

And that was it. I couldn't take it anymore.

I hid my face behind my hands and allowed the pain to take over. The tears I had been fighting to keep in check overtook me and in a matter of seconds I was crying like a little girl. All I needed was the pain to stop but it wouldn't.

"Miss Gilbert, I'm so sorry" he told me and I didn't understand why he was still with me "We are doing as much as we can".

"Will that be enough?" I asked trying to control myself.

He fell silent. He wasn't allowed to give me hope.

Dr Salvatore came a little closer to me and he slowly took one of my hands moving it away from my face so he could see me. His hands on mine had an incredible calming effect. His oh-so-blue eyes seemed deeper than anything I've ever seen. His gaze felt like warm sunshine touching my skin. And for a second, I wasn't scared.

"I sincerely hope it will" he told me and it felt like a promise.

"Thank you" I whispered and he gave me a small smile letting my hand go too soon.

"Now you should rest" he told me as he got up from the chair "It's been a long day and you need to recover as fast as possible"

"I can't sleep. I need to see my baby" I said stubbornly.

"As I told you, I'm in charge of the night shift. I'll be there with her for a few more hours. I promise I'll send someone to inform you if there are any news if you promise me you'll try to sleep".

I considered it for a couple of seconds and finally I nodded. Dr Salvatore cracked a small smile as a response.

"I have to go" he finally told me "I'll be back before I go home to tell you how she's doing"

"Thank you" I whispered starting to feel how tired I really was.

He turned his back on me and started to walk towards the door.

"Doctor Salvatore" I called him that horrible feeling of loneliness starting to build up again inside my chest.

"Yes, Miss Gilbert?" he turned to face me again.

"Please promise me you'll take care of her" I pleaded staring so deep into his eyes that I was sure that if he tried he could be able to see my soul.

"I promise"

And with those words, he left the room and I found myself alone again.

Part of me wanted to cry until the entire world collapsed but I was tired and he had told me to sleep. I didn't know why, but I decided to listen so I closed my eyes and allowed myself to sleep.

The last image on my mind was a tiny little baby girl sleeping against my chest.

* * *

 _ **Answering to some questions from your reviews:**_

 ** _-Will Elena's dad make an appearance? : Yes eventually he will._**

 ** _-Will I post this story in Spanish? : No, sorry. I don't know why but I don't like the Spanish version._**

 ** _-Will Elena keep the baby? : Of course I'm not gonna give any real answer to that... let's just say we don't know yet._**

PS: Thanks Sorrybout'ya for the tip about pronouns. They are the only thing that is more difficult in English than in Spanish. I'll try to pay attention to that. Thank you again!

 _Love, Luna._


	4. Darkness

**_Hi people, I'm in a really bad mood because my stupid internet conection REALLY sucks. I mean as in "I'm two seconds away from crying because of how frustrated this makes me feel". I hate this world and its useless stupid technology sometimes._** ** _(I've been trying to update for at least an hour now)._**

 ** _Thank you for your reviews, they made my day :) Please let me know what you thought about this chapter!_**

 _PS: No tengo problema con que me comenten en español, amo a mis lectoras y amigas de habla hispana ;)_

 _PS2: sorry if there are any mistakes, I'm really sleepy and irritated about the internet issue. I tried to spot and correct as many mistakes as I could but maybe it wasn't enough. If you spot anything, let me know._

 _ **Love, Luna.** _

* * *

**_Chapter 3: Darkness_**

 _Nothing's going right and everything's a mess_

 _And no one likes to be alone_

 _Isn't anyone trying to find me?_

 _Won't somebody come take me home?_

 _It's a damn cold night trying to figure out this life_

When I opened my eyes I found myself in the hospital room. Everything was dark and it took me a few minutes to adjust my eyes to the lack of light. As soon as I felt completely awake the need to jump out of the bed overwelmed me, there was someplace else I needed to go. Right now.

I hesitated for a second when I thought about the fact that I had been through a surgery less than 24 hours ago. But I didn't care.

"Fuck fuck fuck!" I whispered to myself in pain as soon as my feet hit the floor "Damn it!"

 _Ok, think Elena. You need to walk._

I rested my body against the closest wall while I held my stomach with one hand. It hurt. And it felt like it would all fall apart if stopped holding it.

"The baby" I whispered trying to think about what was important and not about the pain.

I needed something to hold my body parts in place since it seemed that they weren't capable to do such a simple thing by themselves. It took me five minutes to figure it out: the sheets.

I struggled for a while, but finally I was able to wrap one of the white sheets tight around my body. Yes… that felt better.

 _Now walk, Elena._ I urged myself.

It was harder than I thought. A lot harder. But then again, I didn't care.

When I finally made my way out of the room I found Jenna sleeping on the waiting room. My sister was the best.

Painfully slowly, I started walking following the green arrows pointing the way to the NICU. Thank god, it was all in the same floor.

It took me twenty five agonizing minutes to reach the white doors only to find them closed. What was I expecting? Certainly not this.

The hallway was deserted, it was still dark outside and I was in too much pain to make the way back to my room so I allowed myself to fall carefully on one of the blue chairs in front of the white doors under the NICU signal. At least I was as close to her her as I could.

I don't know how much time passed but I was halfway to dreamland in the most awkward position when the white doors opened and I saw a man dressed in blue hospital clothes. He closed the door behind him as he took a sip from a white cup. _Coffee_. Oh my god, I really need some of that magical drink.

Then he turned around and we recognized each other at the same time. .

I wanted to jump from my chair and ask him about my baby but my body was sore and too tired to move. Maybe coming here hadn't been a really good idea.

"What are you doing here?" he asked frowning and he took a few steps in my direction.

"I woke up and I needed to see my baby" I told him honestly trying to hide the pain from my face.

"No wonder where that little one got her stubbornness from" he smiled softly "You shouldn't be here, Miss Gilbert. Are you feeling better?"

"No…" I sighed "Everything hurts".

"You really shouldn't be here. If Meredith finds out she'll kill you" he warned.

"What? Who's Meredith?"

"Doctor Fell. She's in charge of you" he explained before taking another sip of coffee.

"Can you get me some of that?" I asked shyly.

"Really?" he laughed. He actually laughed. What was so funny? "You're out of your mind if you think I'm going to let you drink coffee. You've been through a surgery less than a day ago" he shook his head "Come on. I'll find a wheelchair and I'll take you to your room"

"What? No!" I complained "I wasn't kidding. I want to see her"

"And I told you nobody can see her for now. I'm sorry" he said with a soft tone.

"But she needs me…" I whispered. Shit. I didn't want to cry again but I couldn't help it "She's in there because of me. It's my fault because my stupid body doesn't work. I need to see her, Doctor. Please…"

He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath before taking a seat next to me.

For a long second he looked deep into my eyes. It felt like he was looking for something inside me and I didn't understand anything but I was sore and tired and so so so sad… I didn't even had energy to say another word.

"Nothing's your fault, Miss Gilbert" he assured me.

"Why did you look at me like that? Why are you still here?" I asked him because I knew that any other doctor would have sent me to my room as soon as they saw me.

"Because you remind me of someone I used to know" he told me after a few seconds of silence and I frowned "You really should be resting, Miss Gilbert. I'm taking you to your room before we both get in trouble"

I didn't answer. I didn't want to come back to the dark room but I knew I couldn't win this fight. I waited as he did what he said he would and after two minutes Dr Salvatore was helping me to sit on the wheelchair.

"My name is Elena" I whispered as he pushed the chair down the hall. I didn't know where the hell that had came from.

"That's a really beautiful name, but I think I'll call you Miss Gilbert for now" I could almost hear the small smile in his voice but I decided not to think about it "I'm Damon"

I didn't answer and he didn't speak again. We made the way to my room in silence and once we arrived he helped me to lie down on the bed. I didn't want to be there.

"You can't get up again, is that clear?" he asked breaking the silence.

"You know I will" I shrugged and he rolled his eyes.

"At least not tonight. You really need your rest"

"Can I ask you something?" I asked in a whisper.

"What do you want to know Miss Gilbert?"

I took a minute before asking the question, somehow it felt like asking him would leave me too exposed. But I needed to know something about my little girl and he was the only one who could give me an answer.

"How… how does she look like?" I asked him softly and his face lit up with a smile.

"She's beautiful" he said "She's tinier than what you probably imagine but she's really really beautiful" I smiled like a little girl and started to picture her in my head as he spoke "She looks like you… I think she has your nose and your lips. And she's one of the most stubborn babies I've seen in a long time. She really wants to live… strong little thing" he smiled again, his eyes on mine.

His words warmed my heart as he spoke. She was beautiful and she was a fighter. My baby was fighting to stay alive against all odds and I couldn't explain the million feelings that revolved inside my heart thinking about her.

"Thank you" I whispered as a few tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Anytime" he smiled "Now go to sleep. She's gonna need you awake and healthy soon"

"Thank you, Doctor Salvatore" I repeated before lying down ready to sleep again.

"Good night, Miss Gilbert" he said before my eyelids closed.

The next day I woke up in the afternoon. After my failed trip to the NICU and the exhausting day I had been through I really needed those hours of sleep and when I opened my eyes I felt much better than the night before. One good thing about being young was that my body was recovering fast.

"Elena, you're awake" Caroline's voice surprised me "I was starting to worry"

"Care?" I said confused "What are you doing here?"

"Jenna called me. She and your mother went to take a shower and grab something to eat. Jenna told me about the baby… How are you feeling?"

"Do you really need an answer?"

"She'll be ok, Elena. You just need to have hope"

"You don't know that" I whispered with a lump in my throat.

"Is it that bad?"

"Yeah…" I sighed "Her lungs don't work, her heart is weak… The doctor said they were surprised that she was still alive"

"Oh my god" she mumbled shocked.

"Yeah, it's bad…"

"And how are _you_ feeling?"

"Empty" I confessed trying not to cry "I'd never thought about how magical it was to have a life growing inside of me until she was ripped away…"

Caroline didn't have anything to say and I was glad when she decided to remain silent.

"Elena?" she called me after a few seconds.

"Yeah?"

"A doctor came here soon in the morning and brought you this" she told me as she gave me a white piece of paper with my name on the back and a dried drop of coffee next to the letters.

At first I didn't understand what was that, but it soon I figured it out and smiled.

 _Miss Gilbert_ _:_

 _I've told you I'd come by at the end of my shift to tell you about the little one but you were sleeping and I didn't want to wake you._

 _Littlest Miss Gilbert is doing fine. She hasn't gained any weight and her condition isn't necessarily better but it's too soon and the fact that she's not worse than earlier is already great news. There haven't been any major changes which, again, is something very good. Remember it's a slow process._

 _Be patient, rest, eat, and listen to Dr Fell._

 _D. Salvatore_

I sighed in relief when I finished reading the note. It appeared that no news meant good news. I tried not to let disappointment kick in because I knew that the simple fact that she's alive was best piece of news I could ever get.

Littlest Miss Gilbert… I liked the nickname but somehow linking her to my last name was unsettling. I had made a choice. I was not meant to be her mother. She deserved so much better…

* * *

When my mom arrived a few hours later she and one of the nurses helped me to get to the bathroom because I wanted to shower. Taking a simple shower wasn't an easy task at all given the fact that my body had been cut in half the day before but I tried to not think about the pain and in the end I managed to do everything by myself.

When doctor Fell came back to see me before sunset, she found me sitting on the edge of the bed dressed with my own clothes and eating the horrible hospital food, ready to leave this place.

"What the hell are you doing out of the bed?" she didn't even tried to hide her annoyance.

"Good evening to you too, Doctor Fell" I faked a smile "I've eaten, taken a shower and survived the whole day. I'm ready to go to see my baby".

"Go back to bed, Elena. It's been a long day and I really don't need to discuss this right now. A nurse told me she saw you wandering around the hallways last night, you really need to recover and if you keep acting like this you clearly won't."

 _Shit_.

She found out about last night.

"I'm feeling better. You can't keep me here against my will. I'm 18, I make my own decisions" I snapped.

"Elena…" my mom scolded me from the other side of the room.

"You won't change your mind, will you?" she asked me taking a seat next to me on the bed.

"No, I won't. I'm sorry doc, but I have somewhere else to be".

"Alright" she sighed "I need you to answer to my questions honestly. Can I trust that you will?"

"Yes"  
"Fine. Are you absolutely sure that you're feeling physically ready to leave the hospital?"

"I am. That's why I took a shower without help. I wanted to know if I was able to do that on my own."

"And you didn't have any problems while showering?"

"It took me more time than what I expected and it hurt, but I managed to do it. I'm ok"

"Are you having any trouble to eat?"  
"This food is disgusting, but I think that's the only thing wrong with it. I'll be happy to eat once I can go home."

"Fine. Listen to me, I will sign some papers and I will allow you to come home but you have to promise me that you will go home to sleep tonight instead of spending the night waiting outside of the NICU"

"What? No way. I won't do that"

"Then you'll have to stay here for another night".

"But…"

"Elena your doctor is right" my mom told me getting closer to the bed.

"Listen to me Elena, I know you want to be near your daughter. I can't even imagine how hard your situation must be but you have to act like the grown up woman that baby needs as a mother"

It hurt.

I knew she didn't say that meaning to hurt me but she did it anyway. She was right. My baby deserved and needed a grown up woman to be her mother. And that wasn't me.

"Will you do as I say and go home to rest or do you want to stay another night in here?"

"I'll go home" I said, my tone completely broken and those were the last words I spoke that night.

My mom and Jenna soon figured out that I didn't want to speak and decided to let me have my way.

Stepping outside of the hospital without my baby was one of the most painful things I had ever had to do and I wanted to fall on my knees and cry like a little girl right in that moment, but I wasn't a little girl so I managed to keep the tears for myself until I was alone in my room. And when I was finally alone facing my bedroom's ceiling, I cried. I cried until my throat closed in pain and my body felt numb, I cried in silence until the tears threatened to choke me, I cried like I've never cried before.

And the worst thing of it all was that even if I cried to death, that still would change the fact that I was not the mother my baby needed and that her life was in danger. There was nothing I could do to change that.


	5. Alive

I'm back!

First of all I want to thank you all for reading my story, you really make me happy.

This week my classes started again and my inner grammar freak decided that translating this story using past simple was not a good idea so I decided to change to present. Sorry about that, as soon as I can I'll edit the first chapters but for now, this chapter is in present simple so if you notice something different that's it.

I hope you all like this chapter.

Looking forward to read what you think about it!

I'll be back with more as soon as I can.

Love, Luna.

* * *

 ** _Chapter 4: Alive_**

 _I could stay awake just to hear you breathing_

 _watch you smile while you are sleeping_

 _while you're far away and dreaming_

 _I could spend my life in this sweet surrender_

 _I could stay lost in this moment forever_

I wake up as earlier than ever without the help of my alarm. It's been three days since I'm back home without my baby and without any important piece of news. I've spent almost all of that time at the hospital. Waiting.

Thankfully the pain is starting to back off, at least the physical kind of pain. I ask Caroline to take me to the hospital, she knows me better than anyone else and she doesn't push me to speak like the rest of my friends would do. When we arrive at the hospital she is kind enough to ask me if I want her to stay and I'm glad that I have her as my best friend when she accepts my negative answer with a smile and gives me a hug before leaving me alone. I need space, she knows it.

I need to process all of this alone. I need to grow up to face all these new difficulties and that's something I have to do by myself. Nobody would understand what I'm going through, nobody can help me. Right now, in my life, I'm no longer come first.

Silently, I head to the NICU and I take a seat in front of the white doors. It's really early in the morning and is shocking to see a young couple exiting the NICU. For a second, I don't understand why there's a couple walking out of that room where I can't get in, but it takes me a moment to figure it out. She has a baby. A tiny baby resting in her arms and the man's arms wrapped around both of them. I've never seen a smile as wide as hers. She's taking her baby home.

Before I know it, they're gone, but the pain they leave in my heart is everything but. I want that, I want to feel my baby in my arms so bad that it hurts, I want to take her home with me. I want to _meet_ her…

And the tears are back.

Some may think that being here, sitting in front of a closed door, torturing myself is to put myself through a lot of pain without a reason, but I can't picture myself being anywhere else. I can't _be_ with my baby, but at least I'm as close as I can. Being here I know that she is somewhere, not too far away from me. Being home, I felt like I was abandoning her.

 _I'm right here, baby girl_. I try to push the thought out of my head so it can reach her and I can't stop myself from wiping.

I spend the whole day sitting in that chair, watching doctors come in and out of the room. No news. Eventually, my mom stops by after work and takes me to get something to eat. She tries to persuade me to go home to rest with her. But I don't want to go. She goes home with Jenna as I come back to the hospital.

It's already dark and I can't stand the thought of coming back home. I don't want to leave her and I'm about to go mad. It's only been a day and it feels like and eternity, I don't know if I'll be able to control this pain anymore. All I want to do is save her, help her, _meet_ her… and I can't.

"You again?" a voice that I'm starting to know well disctracts me from my toughts "And crying. Again" he adds when he sees the tears in my cheeks.

"Hi" I whisper.

"I imagined you would be here…" he says as he takes a seat next to me "You mind if I join you?"

"You already have" I shrug.

"I still have a couple more minutes before I have to go in" he announced "I bought something that might make you feel better"

"How is she?" I ask immediately.

"I don't really know, I haven't seen her in almost eight hours but last time I checked she was doing fine. Stable" he informed me. I had learnt to take this kind of dull pieces of information as good ones.

"I'm sick of that word…" I sighed.

Doctor Salvatore have become a constant in the last three days in which I've spent my time here at the hospital. He never stays with me too long, but always stays at least for a little while. I don't feel so lonely around him.

"As I said, I bought you something" he comments again and he's caught my attention. He pulls his cellphone out of his pocket and touches the screen for a couple seconds until he finds what he wants to show me "Here, take a look" I don't know if I'm imagining things but I think he's smiling when I take the phone "She's your daughter…"

I can't stop myself from crying when I see it. It's a photograph. A photo showing a little baby. My beautiful, beautiful baby girl on the screen. She is the tiniest baby I've ever seen. She's surrounded by more tubes and machines than what I can count and her face is partially covered by all of that plastic crap. Her eyes are closed in the image but I can only imagine how beautiful they are. Her nose is half covered by tubes just as her mouth is but nothing of that matters, she's the most beautiful baby I've seen in my entire existence. She is so tiny compared to everything that surrounds her that I can't even imagine how she would look in my arms.

The image creates an unbelievable explosion of feelings inside my body. I'm happy to see her, she's there, she's no longer just a product of my imagination. She's alive and beautiful and real. But on the other hand, she has more tubes connected to her body than what I could count and that brought me a new kind of pain. Watching her and her tiny body connected to all of that stuff makes the sense of loneliness and guilt spread across my chest.

But I have to concentrate in the beautiful things. She's there, real and beautiful. My daughter will be ok and I should be ok for her.

"Thank you" I mutter unable to stop myself from crying.

And then it happens. Without any kind of explanation, he pulls me into his arms and hugs me.

"No more tears, Miss Gilbert" he whispers against my neck.

I hide my face in the crook of his neck and his perfect scent invades my senses for the first time. And for a second the only thing I can think about is the heavenly fragrance of his skin and I know I will never be able to forget this moment.

But the pain his arms had distracted me from comes back before he lets me go and I can't bare it. He's still holding me and the pain is boiling inside of me, I really need this moment, this embrace and I can't hold it together anymore. I allow the sadness to leave my system taking the form of tears while I hide against his skin. I can feel his hand running through my hair and I know that I've never felt weaker in my life.

"She'll be ok, Miss Gilbert" he's breaking his precious rule about not giving me hope but probably this doesn't count "Everything will be ok"

"I… I'm sorry" I whisper after a while, when I'm finally able to get away from him.

"It's ok, I understand…" he smiles as if nothing had happened "You have to promise me that you'll try not to be crying every time I see you here. Ok?"

"I can try…" I nod "I must look like a stupid little girl"

"Not at all" he contradicts me way too fast and I our eyes meet.

He said those simple words gracing them with the same softness his fingers had touched my hair, his blue eyes are buried into mine. _What are you looking for, doc?_

"You should rest…" he advises even when he knows that I won't listen "After all, you've been through a surgery a few days ago.

"I'm young and I recover fast" I try to smile "Thank you for the picture, Damon"

It's the first time I call him for his first name, it was an accident of course and I immediately feel my cheeks burning red. But he rises his eyes and those blue paradises meet my eyes. Something's changed, he looks at me like he's trying to see through me.

"You're welcome, Miss Gilbert" he smiles and I return the gesture. When he checks his clock his face falls "I'm sorry, I have to go. Vic is waiting."  
"Ok…" I whisper ignoring the lump in my throat "Can you tell her that I love her and that I'm right here with her?"

"Of course I can. She'll be happy to hear that" he says and makes me smile with his confidence "Now go home, you really should rest"

"Sure" I nod.

He said goodbye to me and left me alone with my sadness. Although I told him that I would go home to rest, I can't bring myself to leave the hospital so I stay telling myself that I'll stay just for a few more minutes.

I start building up an image in my mind. There I am with my baby girl in my arms. She's healthy and beautiful, without all of those tubes and scary machines and monitors around her. She was moving in my arms, her green eyes looking straight to mine. I'm the happiest person on this earth. That was the best dream in ages…

Next morning, I wake up before the sun rises and I notice a soft white blanket covering me. When I look around I discover that I'm still at the hospital. The memory of a pair of blue eyes hits me and I know that he's been the one to give me the blanket.

It took me like five minutes to fully wake up and when I did, someone opened the NICU from the inside and he came out looking for something with his eyes. Those infinite oceans of blue sparkled when he saw me.

"Morning" I whispered scared to break the silence of the hospital at that time "Thank you for the blanket"

"Weren't you going to rest at home?" he asked me getting closer and taking a seat beside me without asking for permission.

"I should have, but I couldn't. I couldn't stand the idea of leaving her"

"You stubborn girl…" he whispers almost to himself.

"How is my baby?"

"We're waiting for the blood test results. She remains stable…"

"No news means good news" I try to remind myself.

"I wish I could tell you something better, I'm doing as much as I can but this kind of things are slow…"

"Thank you… for everything"

"It's ok. I like to see your smile, Miss Gilbert, you should have seen your face when you saw the picture yesterday" he said with a small smile.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" I ask him with a wide smile crossing my face.

"Of course she is. But now you should go home to rest. At least for a couple of hours… I'll take care of her"

"I don't know… A warm shower doesn't sound so bad and I certainly need to eat something"

"I'm leaving in two hours. I can take you home if you want" he offers after a brief pause.

"No, it's fine. I need some time alone. And I should go to see my boss and tell him about all of this… although Jenna might have already done that."

"You're leaving?"

"I'll be back in a few hours. I need to be alone and cry if I want to" I admitted with a sad smile "Please, let me know if anything changes" I ask him while I take a piece of paper with my phone number on it from my jeans' pocket and give it to him.

"Sure" he smiles.

"Thanks again, Doctor Salvatore. Bye"

"Bye… see you"

And after saying goodbye to him, I walk away being unbearably conscious about the fact that I'm leaving my heart behind with her.

It takes me an entire hour to get home and as soon as I arrive, I decide to take a shower and then eat something for breakfast. It's still early in the morning so I decide that taking a short nap in a proper bed is a good idea. But I can't rest and soon I'm up again, wanting to go to the hospital. I want to see my baby so I call a cab and go back to the hospital to wait for the good news that never seem to come.

Seven days come and go the same way. I spent the night at the hospital, go back home in the morning to take a shower and eat something and then go back. I haven't eaten much more than a few sandwiches from the hospital bar, but right now I'm not too concerned about my own health.

Damon brings me photos of my baby daughter daily, explaining me everything about how she's slowly starting to get better. She's gained a little weight and her heart condition is starting to show signs of recovering. I still can't get inside the NICU to see her, something which brings long nights filled with tears and longing. Every night and every morning, Damon brings me a plastic cup of hot coffee because he knows it makes me happy and always covers me with a warm blanket when I fall asleep at night. Two nights before, he even stayed with me the entire night even when he was not on call. That night had been the worst. That night, my baby got closer to death than I've ever been. Damon stayed with me in silence, holding my hand while I cried desperately waiting that the door remained closed so that bad news wouldn't come. We didn't sleep that night and in the morning, after we both made sure that she was stable again, he took me home.

Today is the seventh morning I've woken up in the hospital. Just like every morning, Damon opens the door of the NICU with two cups of coffee from the machine in his hands and a smile that seems to hide a good secret.

"Please tell me you have good news today" I almost plead as soon as he comes to sit beside me.

"Maybe…" he smiles giving me one of the cups "Good morning, Miss Gilbert"

"That's getting old, you can call me Elena. Thanks for the coffee"

"So… do you want to hear the good news?"

"Are you kidding me? Tell me!" I say excited.

"Her situation is still critical, I can't tell you that she's much better, but we've managed to reach some stable conditions. It's been 24 hours since the last time she's had a decompensation"  
"English please" I ask unable to decode his words.

"You can go to see her, Elena"

For a second, I stay completely silent. I feel my heart warming and the rare sensation of happy tears starting to fill my eyes. I jump from my chair and run to the white door, I want to see her right now, but before I can open the door, Damon grabs my arm stopping me.

"You can only see her during visiting hours" he tells me softly.

"Oh…" I whisper and I go back to the chairs disappointed taking another sip of coffee "What time is that?"

"From 8 am to 10 am"

"And what time is it?"

"6:30, you have to wait for an hour and a half"

The longest hour and a half of my life. I walk in circles, try to read and even count the tiles from the floor. I've never been so excited about something.

When the clock finally reaches eight, I jump from my seat and knock the white doors. When Damon opens the door, a big smile decorates his face. He seems to be happy for me.

"It's eight o'clock" I announce with the biggest smile in the world shining in my lips.

"I know you're happy to see her, but remember that you won't find the perfectly healthy baby you've been dreaming about… I'm sorry to tell you this but I think you should be prepared"

"It's ok, thank you" I whisper, my smile weakening "Can I come in now?"

"Before you have to clean your hands. This way"

I follow him in silence and do everything he tells me to do. Without a word we enter the NICU, where a lot babies were being treated. Damon guided me towards an incubator with a small pink ribbon and a small sign reading "Gilbert".

I can't hold back my tears when I finally see her. She's prettier that the pictures Damon showed me and she really has the size of a small baby doll. Tears start streaming down my cheeks. She seems to be sleeping and she's connected to a feeding tube and oxygen. Her heartbeat, levels of oxygen and some other constants are being controlled by the many monitores around the incubator. She seems so weak, so helpless….

"Can I touch her?" I whispered.

"Yes, be careful with the tubes and stuff"

"Ok…"

I carefully approach to the incubator and use the holes on the side to reach her until I can rub my fingertips through her skin. She's so soft and delicate that I'm scared to hurt her with a simple touch. I touch her skin and it feels like magic. She's soft and warm and alive. She's real. My baby girl is perfect.

Somehow it feels like I've known her since forever. It's like I've been missing her since I was born. Seeing her there, sleeping and defenseless I realize that she's the most important for me in this world.

"Hello beautiful" I whisper "You're so small… God, this is unbelievable"

Now that I can see her with my own eyes and feel her skin with my hands I discover that the love I felt for her the last days was just a tiny spec of dust compared to the amount of love I feel for her right now. I adore her, she's my entire life.

"I can't let her go" I whisper and I know Damon understands what I mean.

"No one will take her away if you don't want to…"

"But she deserves someone better than me…" I tell him watching my baby sleep while I touch the soft skin of her head.

"Better than you?" he asks rhetorically "You're the best mother she could have had, Elena. you have barely left the hospital since she was born, you care about her in ways nobody else will do. You can keep her"

"I don't know…" I whisper with a lump in my throat and we both remain silent for a while "Can I have a moment alone with her?"  
"Sure" he sighs "Just think about it. I'll tell you when it's time to go"

"Thank you…"

Everybody would say that spending two hours just watching a baby sleep and touching her skin can be boring, but I could stay here forever. Watching her, touching her, just being near her and being able to talk to her.

I spend a timeless amount of time just enjoying her and when Damon comes to tell me that it's time to go the two hours I spent with her seem too little.

"Visiting hours are over, Elena. We have to go…" he tells me softly.

"Just a second" I plead looking at him with teary eyes.

"I'm sorry, but I can't. You are not allowed to be here after ten."

"Ok" I sigh "I'll see you soon baby girl" I whisper towards the sleeping wonder next to me "I love you"

With a lump blocking my throat and the tears running down my cheeks, I allow Damon to guide me out of the room and once we're out the real crying starts. I can't even say a word. I can't move. And when I think I'm gonna fall to the floor, I holds me. He wraps his arms around me and lets me cry. I let it all out in a silent and desperate crying.

"Please don't cry, Elena" he asks running his finger through my hair "She'll get better"

"I imagined she would be better, I thought she would be awake and I would hold her like in my dreams… I thought she was gonna be alright"

"I know…" he whispers against my hair "But she'll be better"

"Please don't leave me" I plead and I don't even know where did those words came from.

"I won't" he pushes me away a little so that he can stare into my eyes "I'm with you, Elena. You're not alone"

His words feel like touching the sky and I don't answer him, I just burry my face in the crook of his neck and hide away from the world.


	6. Magic

_**Hi people :)**_

 ** _I came back sooner than I tought I would..._**

 ** _I've been asked a few questions:_**

 _-How old are Damon and Elena?_

 _Elena is 18 , she was 17 when she got pregnant but right now she's 18 (the original story had a few chapters about Elena's pregnancy but I didn't like them so I didn't include them in this version) Damon is 27, so yes there's a huge age gap but somehow it's kind of my thing... I don't know why. _

_-Will we see more of Kai?_

 _Kai's an idiot. We will see more of him but you'll have to wait (a lot) for that._

 _-Who is the "she" Elena reminds Damon of?  
_

 _I don't want to bring any spoilers... I'll only tell you that she was really important in Damon's life and choices and that we'll learn a lot more about her eventually._

 _-Will Elena's baby get a name?_

 _Of course! Sooner than you may think ;)_

 ** _I hope that answers your questions._**

 ** _Thank you all for reading!_**

 ** _I hope you like this chapter (it's an important one!)_**

 ** _Looking forward to read your thoughts on it!_**

 ** _Love, Luna._**

* * *

 ** _Chapter 5: Magic_**

 _Every tear a waterfall_

 _in the night, the stormy night, she'll close her eyes_

 _in the night, the stormy night,_ _away she'd fly_

 _and dream of paradise_

Seeing my baby hasn't been the experience I have hoped for. She's not ok and that's enough to make me want to cry.

I feel broken, life has changed so much… Less than two years ago I didn't even date Kai, my life was the same as any other teenage girl's and now here I am, crying in Doctor Salvatore's arms because I'm scared about my baby's life.

"Calm down" he whispers in my ear "She'll be ok, I'm sure"

The strangest thing is that having him here, holding me, trying to calm me, makes me feel better. He makes me feel better in a way I have never experienced and I don't want this moment to end.

"Better?" he asks after a moment, when he finally lets me go, while he cups my face with one of his hands.

"I think so…" I nod.

I feel him leaning in and when I realize what's going on it's too late. His face is two inches away from mine and I swear he's gonna kiss me but before his lips touch mine he changes the direction of his face and his lips end up brushing against my cheek in one of those innocent kisses that want to be more than that but can't.

"Do you want some coffee?" he asks again, his fingers still running through my hair.

"Your shift is over and I don't think you are allowed to go back in there to get coffee…"

"I wasn't talking about coffee from the machine" he lets out a small laugh "There's a café around the corner. I think you'll like it"

"Are you sure?" I ask confused.

"Absolutely" he smiles and it is almost contagious "Shall we?"

"Let's go"

And just like if it was the most normal thing in the world, he takes my hand and starts walking taking me with him. I decide to remain silent and I intertwine his fingers with mine. We leave the hospital in silence and we walk together hand in hand without a word until we reach the nice and warm café. There's soft music floating around in the air and everything smells to coffee and cookies and I love it as soon as we step inside.

"It's really nice" I comment trying to break the silence.

Only when we have to separate from each other to sit we realize that our hands are still intertwined. I flush a little and he simply shakes his head with a small smile.

"I usually come here once or twice a week. It distracts me from the hospital"

"It must be hard to work with babies who are constantly about to… die" I finish the sentence in a whisper.

"I guess I do it as a way to pay for something I didn't do in the past"

"Pay for something becoming a Doctor who takes care of newborn babies? Aren't you doing this because it's what you love?"

"That's the seccond reason" he confesses looking at the table "You want a cappuccino?" he asks changing the subject.

"How did you know that I like cappuccino?" I ask surprised.

"You are sweet, strong and tender… I kind of figured it out. Am I wrong?"

"Not at all" I smile softly trying to hide the flush in my cheeks and I'm happy when the waitress interrupts us.

"Hello, my name is Ruby. What can I get you?" she asks kindly.

"We'll have a cappuccino and a cup of black coffee" he makes a pause and looks at me "You want something to eat?"

"No thanks, I'm fine"

"Ok, then that's all for now"

"Perfect. I'll be back in a moment with your drinks" and with that she leaves us alone again.

"What did you mean when you said you are trying to pay for something you didn't do in the past?" I ask again.

"Just forget it, things I don't want to think about. I shouldn't have mentioned that…"

"I'm sorry, I guess that's none of my business"

"Don't take it the wrong way. It's something… complicated. Can we talk about something else?"

"Fine…" I accept.

"I forgot to tell you earlier, but your baby gained 200 grams this week"

"Really?" I can't hide my smile "That's great!"

"You should really start thinking about naming her… Calling her baby all the time is starting to feel odd"

"I've been thinking about that too" I confess with a small smile "What do you think about Wendy?"

"Really? It's cute... Does it mean anything in particular?"

"Peter Pan has always been my favourite book. And she's the person I love the most. Seems fitting. Peter's story is so full of hope and magic... We both need a little bit of that in our lives right now."

"I love it" he says and somehow I know he's being honest.

"Wendy Hope Gilbert" I smile, I really smile for the first time in ages. And suddenly she has a name. My baby girl has a name and at least for now, she's mine.

"She will be ok, Elena" he says looking deep into my eyes.

We are interrupted by the arrival of our coffees and, for a couple of minutes, we don't remain silent. But suddenly, Damon speaks again, a question is written all over his face.

"Elena" he makes a pause, it feels like he's trying to figure out wether to go on with his question or not "I know I shouldn't ask this but... What happened with Wendy's father?"

"You shouldn't ask" I agree "But..."

I want to know his story so bad... and I really need to tell my own story to someone who will really listen to me. Damon is here, and I really need it, somehow it seems like we both need it.

"I guess I need to talk to someone other than Caroline" I sigh.

"Caroline?" he asks confused.

"My best friend" I take a deep breath "Ok, here we go..."

"Are you sure you want to talk about it? You don't have to..."

"It's ok, I'm sure. I kind of need it. I need to talk to someone who doesn't have the brain of a seventeen year old teenager with the perfect life. I love Caroline, but sometimes she can't understand me. Not when it's about all this."

"It must be hard..."

"It is... and it is even harder when you have someone like Kai around your life"

"Is he your baby's dad?"

"Yeah..." I say looking down, it's easier if I don't have to actually see him "Kai is the kind of guy who thinks they are the center of the universe. And I was the stupid little girl who liked that. He was the captain of the football team and I was a cheerleader. It's a silly cliché, but I thought I loved him... We started going out together, he used to take me to every party and people started to know us because we were kind of the golden couple... I think he cared more about taking me everywhere with him and showing me off than actually being with me"

"He's an idiot" he says looking into my eyes.

"I was pretty idiot myself" I admit "I liked him. And everything was ok until something just wasn't"

"By something you mean Wendy"

"I like the sound of her name in your voice" I try to smile but I start feeling like I want to cry "Yes, Wendy was the _something_ that went wrong"

"You ok? You don't have to go on if you don't want to" he assures me.

"No, I need it... I need to get it out"

"What happened when he found out?"

"He started to shout at me" I tell him "He wanted me to get rid of it and I said no. My life hasn't been exactly a walk under the sunshine after that" and with that, the first few tears start to fall down my cheeks.

"Hey... It's ok, you made the right choice" he hushes me taking my hand into his.

"I'll be ok" I tell him trying to calm down "Everything that's happening to Wendy is my fault. I knew I had to take care of myself and I didn't do that. I should have..." but I can't finish because the sobs overtake me and I start to cry like a little lost girl.

At this point, Damon is sitting by my side and somehow my head ends up hidden in the crook of his neck as I cry. His heavenly scent is blocking my thoughts and the sweet touch of his hands on my hair is sending the sweetest of sensations through my body. I could stay like this forever.

"Thank you" I tell him when I feel better.

"What for?"

"I don't know... this... us... It's nice. Maybe I could get used to this"

"Get used?" he asks with a strange look in his eyes.

"Forget it" I say quickly and for a couple seconds we both remain silent "Why are you doing this, Damon?" I ask unable to keep my mouth closed.

"What's this?" he asks trying to avoid my question.

"C'mon, you know what I mean... Or you're gonna tell me that you have this sort of relationship with every woman who has a baby in the hospital?"

"No… of course I don't"

"Then answer me. Why do you do this? Why me?"

"I don't know... I feel like..." he stops in the middle of the sentence and thinks about it for a second before he continues "I feel like I haven't felt in a long time and..."

"Go on..." I tell him when he falls silent.

"I'm sorry Elena. I can't do this" he says and he gets up leaving a few dollars to pay for the coffee. He is running away.

"No" I almost shout and I grab his hand before he leaves "I don't want you to leave" I say in a softer voice.

"I know what you're thinking, Elena. You're young, your life is upside down right now and you need someone to support you" he says looking at me with a broken smile.

Am I really that easy to read?

"But I can't be that person. It wouldn't be fair for you, I'm too troubled. Believe me, you should stay clear of me. It's not your fault"

By the end of his small speech the tears are running down my cheeks like rain. I don't want to cry, but the tears just won't stop.

"Please don't leave me" I say looking into his blue eyes "Us... This, this is more than what you said. It's not just that I need somebody to support me... I need you, Damon" He looks at me like if I am not real and for a second I wonder if I've gone too far, but I don't care, I have to tell the truth "I need you by my side and I don't even know why. Please, Damon... Don't leave me"

"You don't know what you're saying... You deserve so much better than me" he says and I walk a step closer to him until we are just inches apart.

"But I want you... Don't go" I whisper.

I see the conflict in his blue eyes for a moment and he closes his eyes for a second. It looks like he's thinking about something, almost like he's fighting against his own self.

And just like that, he stares deeply into my eyes, pushes me closer and his lips are touching mine. He kisses me. Fast, unexpected, impulsive. I lose track of time and space and everything surrounding me fades into the feeling of his kiss. The entire world disappears for a second and I'm floating. It's like he and I are the only people in existence. He and I and all of these feelings that I can't even understand.

His kiss is soft and tender. His lips, warm and sweet. Kissing him feels like heaven and I can't believe that it can be possible to feel all these range of sensations just because of a kiss. His hands wrap around my waist and he pulls me closer, somehow I know he's lost too. We're stealing each other's breathing, we're losing ourselves in this moment and for a second nothing else matters in the universe. We're flying.

If I used to think that I could never forget his heavenly scent, now I know that the taste of his lips will haunt me forever.


	7. Baby Steps

**_HI!_**

 ** _Here I am again with a new chapter!_**

 ** _I should be studying what Niestzche had to say about metaphores and an endless list of topics for my Grammar class and yet I've spent the entire day translating this story for you... If I fail my exams you will be the ones to blame. Just kidding ;) Don't get used to this fast updates because maybe sometime I won't be able to keep it this way. So... enjoy it while it lasts._**

 ** _About last chapter's reviews, a lot of you asked me to write in Damon's POV. The original story is written entirely from Elena's POV and for now I'm gonna keep it that way. I would have to change the whole story to tell it from Damon's POV and right now the only reason why I'm able to update regulary is because I'm not actually writing but only translating a story I've already written a long time ago._**

 ** _Don't worry, we'll soon learn more about Damon's past ;)_**

 ** _Love, Luna._**

 ** _PS: Remember to leave your thoughts in the review box ;)_**

* * *

 _ **Chapter 6: Baby Steps**_

 _Cause all I know is we said hello_

 _And your eyes look like coming home_

 _All I know is a simple name, everything has changed_

One month.

One month has passed since Wendy was born and her body barely shows some positive signs. I don't have enough time in the day to think about how much I miss her and the two hours I get to spend with her every day are not even close enough to ease my need to be by her side.

But as odd as it may sound, Wendy is not the only topic in my mind lately. Since that day at the coffee shop, my relationship with Damon has became even more strange than it was before. I can't get him out of my mind and his behavior doesn't help. He hasn't mentioned anything about us since the day I told him that I wanted him, since the day we kissed for the first time. It's impossible for me to understand him. He steals kisses from me every time he gets the change like if it is the most normal thing in the world but he hasn't actually said anything about us or our relationship. He's driving me crazy. And the worst thing is that I'm starting to get used to him. The feeling of his hand taking mine, the taste of his kisses in the morning and before he goes home, his beautiful words, all those hours drinking coffee from the machine and just having him around.

We are in the middle of a dangerous game and I don't want it to stop.

This morning I wake up at 6am and I'm especially excited because a few hours ago, I got a text from Damon that kept me awake for most of the night.

 _"I have great news for you when you come to see Wendy -D"_

I make the long walk to the hospital faster than ever, almost as if I have somebody following me and when I get to the hospital I don't have enough patience to wait for the elevator so I decide to take the stairs as fast as I can.

"Slow down, Lena. It looks like you are running from somebody who wants to kill you" those are the words Damon choses to greet me with and I glare at him.

"I think I lost him in the park" I joke and then I take a seat beside him and I notice that he has two cups of coffee from the machine "Thanks" I say taking one.

"Hey! What makes you think that's yours?"

"It is" I smile after taking a sip "You are becoming quite predictable, you bring me coffee every morning"

"Well, this morning is different, I know a little girl who..."

"SHH!" I interrupt "I don't want to hear that. I know it's good news and if you tell me know I won't be able of going through the next fifty five minutes of my life without seeing her. I'll wait until I can go inside"

"As you wish" he smiles at me.

"Do you think it will be too long before I can take her home with me? I miss her so damn much..."

"I'd love to tell you that you'll be able to take her home with you really soon but that's a promise I can't keep. It's better for you if you don't have such high expectations."

"Thanks for taking care of me" I say looking into his eyes.

"I'll always take care of you, love" he tells me and this time, his kiss doesn't surprise me. He is confusing as hell, but he's the sweetest human being I have ever came across in my life and his lips taste like heaven so I don't say anything and enjoy the feeling of his lips on mine while it lasts.

"I shouldn't be getting used to this..." I say against his lips.

"Why not?"

"Forget it. It's just... nothing." I sigh.

"C'mon Elena, talk to me. It makes you feel better and it makes me happy. You can tell me"

He's right, he knows that talking to him makes me feel relaxed.

"I'm scared" I confess "My relationship with Kai started like this. It was something I couldn't understand, something that clouded my mind... I don't want to go through something like that again, Damon"

"Hey..." he whispers pulling my chin up so he can look me in the eyes "I promise you, I'm not going to hurt you like he did, Elena. I'm sorry about this... I know you deserve something better but I can't give you more right now... I don't want to lose you"

"I don't want to lose you either... But I'm scared. This.. us... I've never felt this way, and the only time I felt something close to this I ended up getting hurt"

"I'm trying" he adds and it sounds like a promise "I want to give you more, I want to be what you need. I think I'm getting there. I'm not gonna hurt you, Elena. I promise"

"I believe you" I whisper and he smiles at me but I can't return the gesture.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine"

"Elena... you know I can tell when you're lying"

"I'm just nervous, I want to see Wendy right now. That's all"

"C'mon, Lena. I know that's not all that's going on. What is it?"

"I'm sorry... I..." I start to talk but suddenly a young woman dressed in white interrupts us. It's obvious that she's a nurse.

"Hello, Damon"

"Sage?" his eyes open wide at the sight of her and she gives us a wicked grin. I haven't even said a word to her, but I don't like her.

"Is that all? After all the time we've spent apart?"

"What are you doing here, Sage?"

"You don't remember? I also love this job Damon. I got my diploma a few months ago and now I'll work here. Don't you love it? We'll spend lots of time together, like the old times..."

"Didn't you have enough the last time? I want you out of my life" I can see the pain in Damon's eyes as he watches her and for some reason I have the feeling that she is dangerous.

"Oh... C'mon Damon" she says trying to imitate a little girl "Katherine wasn't such a big deal anyway. And what I did just sped up the process. I just wanted us to be together" she smiles "But if you want me to say this, here it goes: I'm sorry" she says slowly, a wicked smile playing on her lips.

"I don't believe you Sage, leave us alone"

"I made you a favor, Damon. I don't know why you still can't get over that"

"A favor?!" he nearly shouts and for the first time I see hate in his beautiful blue eyes "I gotta get out of here, Elena"

Damon takes my hand in a gesture that is becoming quite common between us and he makes me follow him until we reach the hospital's coffee shop downstairs. He is running away and I don't understand anything. I've never seen Damon so upset. Who the hell was that woman? How did she manage to upset him like that?

"What was all that?" I ask him when we finally stops.

When I look into his eyes I feel my heart twitching. Tears. He has tears in his baby blue eyes and I can almost feel the pain and the rage running through his veins. I feel the weight of the whole world in my shoulders when I see him like this and, unable to do anything else, I pull him closer and hug him just like he does when I'mt the one who needs it. Even when I can't see him, I feel his smile against the skin of my neck and he clings to my body so tightly that I feel like he wants to disappear inside me. It's another one of those moments that I will never forget in my life.

"Thank you" he whispers against my ear without letting go of me.

"You don't have nothing to thank me for" I smile "Are you ok?"

"I don't know... seeing her..." he sighs "I'm glad I had you by my side. Thank you, Elena..." he tells me and he kisses my forehead before finally letting me go.

"Nothing to thank for" I repeat trying to hide the fact that I'm really worried about him, I've never seen him like that before.

"Coffee?" he asks when the silence starts to be a little awkward.

"Yeah. Sure, we still have to wait a few minutes until I can go to see Wendy"

"Don't worry, she's fine. She's getting better and better everyday"

"I'm so happy to hear that..." I smile at him while we walk to the bar to get our drinks. "Damon?"

"Yeah?"

"I... I wanted to know..."

"What can I get you?" the young girl behind the bar interrupts me.

"Cappuccino?" Damon asks me and I just nod "Two cappuccinos"

"Anything else?"

"No, thanks"

"Ok, I'll be right back with your coffee Dr Salvatore"

"What were you saying?" Damon asks me once we get our drinks and we go to sit.

"Who was that woman, Damon?" I ask him so fast that for a second I think he hasn't understood what I said. But something in his eyes shifts. Something gets darker. He's in pain, I'm sure of that.

"Her name's Sage" he tells me carefully "I dated her when I was in highschool. A few years after that, I was going through a difficult situation and I made the mistake of trusting her. She took everything I loved from me and I hadn't seen her since then until today. I've never thought I'd see her again, but here she is"

I takes me a second to process the information but there is too much of his story that I don't know that it's difficult to connect the dots. I can't quite figure out what Sage has done to him, all I know is that it wasn't good, not at all.

"I'd love to help you, but I don't understand" I tell him taking his hand "I would if I knew the rest of the story... You can tell me if you want but it's ok if you don't want to. I'm here, Damon... for anything you need, I'm here."

"I know" he takes my hand and rises it to his mouth to softly kiss my knuckles.

I know that there's a lot more to that story than what he has told me. His relationship with this Sage girl is a story I want to know, I somehow know that this has something to do with the past he doesn't want to tell me about, those memories that don't let him live a normal and happy life. Those memories I so desperately want to help him get over. His past: one of the many things that are standing between he and I.

It feels like we have the whole world against us. He's nine years older than me and I haven't even finished high school. Wendy's on the hospital and when I can finally take her home with me taking care of here is going to be anything but easy. My mom, my friends and the rest of the world will never support a relationship like ours.

The differences between us are almost infinite and I don't even know if he wants to have any kind of relationship with me at all. After all, I'm only a dreamy teenager and he's a grown man.

I need to stop what I'm feeling for him before it's too late. Our story seems too impossible to have hope.

We wait for another twenty minutes and time seems to speed up, soon it's time to see my little girl and all the negative thoughts disappear clouded by the joy that being able to see her brings me. Suddenly I remember Damon's words from earlier and the text he sent me in the middle of the night. Good news. I need to find out what changed.

I get inside the NICU and clean my hands in record time. There's nothing I want more than seeing my baby girl.

"Stop shaking, Elena..." Damon whispers softly touching my arm "You can come in"

"Thank you" I smile at him as he lets me in.

I can barely stop the impulse of running towards my little daughter. Instead, I walk till I reach her incubator and my heart seems to stop beating for a moment. I can see Wendy's face without any obstacle in the middle. She's no longer breathing by means of a machine. Nobody could ever understand the depts of my happiness in this second. I'm happy, absolutely happy because my baby girl is finally starting to recover.

My smile mixes with tears of emotion and joy. After so much time, I was finaly crying happy tears.

"She's so beautiful" I whisper with a lump in my throat.

As carefully as ever, I reached out to touch her through the incoubator and I fall silent. Her chest slowly going up and down with every breath. The undeniable sign of her soul fighting for life.

"She's breathing" I smile when Damon approaches.

"You see? I told you she would get better"

"I can't believe this..." I mumble hipnotized by her beauty.

"Elena..." he says carefully "There's something you should know"

"What?"

"Whendy's getting better... Right now she can breathe by herself and I really hope that she keeps on this track" his words have that soft tone he uses when he wants to tell me a piece of bad news and I instantly get scared.

"What do you mean?"

"I have to tell you that this doesn't mean that she'll be able to breath by herself forever. It's dangerous to detach her from the oxygen tube, we're just trying, I can't confirm that she won't need help to breath anymore..."

"Is she in danger? Does this mean this is a bad thing?"

"The fact that she's able to breath by herself even if it is for a short period of time is great news, but I'd be lying if I told your that she's no longer in danger. Her condition is still pretty critical"

His words hit me like a wrecking ball. The pain expands inside my until it reaches my bones and I end up confused and sad. I don't really understand if I should worry or if I should be happy because she's breathing.

"Everything will be ok, I'll take care of her" he whispers in my ear and I relax agains his touch allowing him to hold me while I stroke my little baby's skin.

Both of our pasts are dark and sad, maybe his more than mine. Future is uncertain in every possible way. But this moment here, this second of joy we share while we watch my little baby breathing deeply in her sleep, this is the present we're living in. And right now this second feels eternal.


	8. Here Comes the Dragon

Hello people!

Sorry for the little wait on this one, it's a little short but I think it's cute :)

I'm on a rush so, here's the chapter!

See you as soon as I can ;)

Love, Luna

* * *

 _ **Chapter7:**_ ** _Here Comes the Dragon_**

 _I wanna hide the truth_  
 _I wanna shelter you_  
 _But with the beast inside_  
 _There's nowhere we can hide_

I can't take my eyes away from my little girl. Every time it's more and more painful to leave her alone in this stupid hospital. I don't even know how I manage to do it every day. I love her, I love her more than anything in the world.

"I have more good news" Damon announced interrupting my thoughts.

"Tell me"

"You can hold her" he says and my entire being shakes with happiness.

"Can... can I get her out of there?" I ask, my voice shaking.

"You need to be careful with the feeding tubes and all of that" he warns me and I nod while he opens the incubator.

My heart flutters as he carefully picks her up and then he walks near me.

"Be careful with her head" he warns before placing her in my waiting arms.

When I finally feel her small weight in my arms my entire body brightens with happiness. Finally. Here she is, sleeping in my arms, her soft skin against mine. Resting in the place where I know she will fit best. It's like we are both made to be together like this. She belongs with me and I belong with her. This is is. This is the truth. I'm never gonna be able to let her go.

Wendy. My tiny Wendy Hope Gilbert. The best one of my decisions, the mistake I'd be glad to make over and over again for ever without regretting.

In this world full of changes, mistakes, decisions and crossed roads I'm only sure about something: I love my baby daughter above all things and I would give up my life for her a thousand times over if she'd need it.

"She's perfect" I whisper analyzing every detail of her little face, trying to print that second in my mind.

"You both are" Damon whispers looking deeply into my eyes when I lift my gaze for a moment to meet his and I blush at his words.

"I've never seen something this beautiful in my life... I love you, my little girl. I promise you will get better"

"She will" Damon smiles at us.

"Thank you" I whisper unable to speak any louder. This moment with her is the biggest gift he could have given me.

I don't know how much time I spend watching her. Wendy is the most beautiful thing in the whole world. I'd give everything to be with her forever, to make sure that she's ok. I adore her with the devotion of the truest believer, I love her with the most pure and intense feeling I've ever felt.

And she's mine... I've never been so proud about anything. She's mine...

"Damon!" an unknown voice shouts interrupting my moment of peace "How can you be so irresponsible? These babies can't leave their incubators! Are you out of your mind?"

When she comes closer, I recognize her. Victoria. The doctor who works with Damon. She is walking towards us and she seems really mad. Sage, the nurse Damon had an argument with in the hallway, is walking behind Victoria.

"Vic..." Damon says with a tired sigh "I can't see how being with her mother could harm a baby. I'd never do something that could put her in danger"

"Well, this is my shift and I'm in charge right now. And if I say that the babies shouldn't leave their incubators you have to listen" she states.

"She's my patient" Damon defies her.

"Damon, visiting hours are over. You could get in big troubles for letting her in" she tells him watching me and I immediately start feeling guilty.

"It's my fault" I say automatically trying to get him out of any kind of trouble"

"It's ok, Elena" he interrupts me "Wendy is my patient and I'm gonna do what I consider convenient for her to recover"

"Take the baby back to the incubator" Victoria tells the nurse and with that simple order, Sage walks towards me and she takes my baby from my arms without a word.

I've never felt his vulnerable in my life.

"I hope that doesn't happen again" Victoria glares at Damon.

"I don't have anything to explain to you. I'm that baby's doctor and I'll do whatever I think is good for her" he snaps again "Let's go home, Elena. We'll come back tomorrow morning"

I nod at his words and do as he says following him out of the room.

In just one second, my perfect moment has been ripped away from me.

Right before we leave the NICU, Sage makes her way towards us and smiles wickedly, my baby no longer in her arms. My precious little Wendy must be back into that cold box.

"You shouldn't try to live your life stealing someone else's, Damon. Your story might repeat itself"

"Go to hell Sage" he snaps with hate in his voice, if looks could kill the red haired nurse would be long dead by now.

Those are the last words I hear before we leave the NICU and the white doors close leaving Damon and I on one side and Wendy on the other.

Only when I see Damon's eyes filled with hate and darkness I remember the words Sage said before we left and I start to worry.

"What was all that, Damon?" I ask him.

"Just a psychopath talking nonsense" he answers too fast, his tone harsh.

"Are you... ok?" I ask again, surprised by his tone.

"No. I need air"

"Do you wanna go get some coffee?"

"Elena..." he sighs "I'm sorry, but I want to be alone. When I get mad I tend to take it out on everyone and I don't want to hurt you"

"Ok..." I murmur confused "I'm going home, I'll talk to you later..."

I turn to go and start walking through the hallway when I hear his steps as he follows me.

"Elena" he calls me and I turn to face him without hesitation to find him only a few inches away from my body. "I'm sorry" he whispers and I can't answer because his lips are on mine and his hands on my body, pulling me closer to him. He kisses me with so much passion that I almost forget where I'm standing and when we finally pull apart because the need to breath is impossible to ignore he lets me go and walks away leaving me confused and breathless.


	9. Despair

Hi people!

Well, I said I wouldn't do it and I did... You have some pieces of Damon's PoV in this chapter... For now, it was a one time thing (It felt like the chapter lacked something so I decided to write some pieces from Damon's pont of view)

I didn't have time to check this so I apologize for any mistake you might find. It's a little bit short again but I hope you like it!

Love, Luna .

* * *

 _ **Chapter 8: "Despair"**_

 _I know I can't take one more step towards you_

 _'Cause all that's waiting is regret_

 _Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore_

 _You lost the love I loved the most_

 _I learned to live half alive_

 _And now you want me one more time_

 **Damon's PoV**

I stop and watch her as she walks away. Her taste still clinging to my lips. Elena tastes like sugar and coffee, and sunshine and all the good things I haven't been able to feel for the last few years. But she doesn't taste like her. At first, that almost surprised me but then I realised the truth, she isn't Katherine, never was and never will be. Maybe she looks like her but she doesn't have a Pierce bone in her whole body.

Letting her go feels wrong in so many ways that I almost run after her to make her stay with me tonight. I really need her tonight because I know that the nightmares are gonna come. It's been years since I haven't seen Sage or anyone from my past for that matter. It's been a lot of time since I haven't had to think about Katherine and my life with her (and of course, the life we could have had), and I know that seeing Sage for the first time in so long is going to pay off with the worst kind of bad dreams.

I thought I could lead a simple unhappy life, I thought I could survive alone. And I was doing ok, until she showed up. Brown hair, chocolate eyes, scared to death and so fucking young. The sight of her had drawn me to her side like a magnet. And once I'd gotten close enough, I noticed it. She looked like her. She looked exactly like her and I couldn't look away.

I know now that she's nothing like Katherine. Elena is strong and smart. She's stubborn as hell and she fights for what she wants like the bravest of warriors. She's all light, brighter than the sun, stronger than lightning. Just like her daughter. Elena and Wendy came into my life without asking for permission, and even though I've sworn to never let anybody come close enough to put my heart in danger, I know that those two precious girls are here to stay.

I was beginning to accept that, starting to consider the possibility of trying something with Elena despite the fact that she's younger than me and her family probably would never approve us being together. I was starting to let myself feel some kind of happiness and then the past came up to show me that I wasn't allowed to be happy. Sage.

Seeing Sage again is killing me. Her smile, her bright eyes… The life she stole from me shining in that wicked grin of hers. Having her around drives me crazy, and when I get home I'm about to open a bottle of bourbon and drink myself to unconsciousness just to forget everything. I almost do that, I almost open the bottle and give in. But something suddenly reminds me of her, that little baby girl back in the hospital. Littlest Miss Gilbert, the bravest fighter I've seen in a long time. I remember that even when I don't have to be at the hospital tonight Vic is alone because the other doctor in charge of the NICU is not working tonight so she said she'd call me if she needed back up. I make a smart decision and push the bottle away.

Later, when the phone rings in the middle of the night, I realise what a good decision it was to remain sober.

* * *

 **Elena's POV**

"Hello stranger" says Jenna as soon as I walk inside my home.

"Hey" I smile back but my sister knows me too well and she knows I'm faking that small smile.

"What happened? Is she ok?"

"She's better" I smile and this time it's real "She's breathing by herself, that's great news"

"And why do you look so depressed?"

"I'm just tired" I mumble trying to avoid her interrogatory.

"Lately you're always tired, you're never around…" my sister complains "Tonight we are having a girl's night. Caroline's coming over and we won't take a no for an answer"

"I'm tired, Jenna… I don't feel like it"

"Well, we don't care. We miss you"

"Fine, I'll go upstairs to take a shower. Call me when Care arrives"

"Done"

My sister does as she says and later in the evening Caroline arrives bringing her fluffy pillow with her.

"Elena" she screams as soon as she sees me walk into the room "I've missed you! I haven't seen you for weeks!"

"I missed you too Care" I smile as she hugs me and I realise how much I really need this.

"I thought you could use some fun…" said Jenna.

As usually, my sister was right.

We spend the night listening to Taylor Swift's last songs and watching our favourite movies. Pizza, ice cream and a big bag of candy seems to be all I needed.

By the fourth hour we've already watched The Notebook and we're halfway through The Last Song. Nicholas Spark's movies seem to be the theme tonight.

"He's so cute…" Caroline mutters.  
"Shh!"

"I love this scene" I smile as I watch the couple kissing on the beach.

"He's perfect" Caroline speaks again.

"He's not actually my type…" I tell her accidentally remembering a pain of shimmering blue eyes and Damon's soft dark hair.

"SHHH!" Jenna tries to make us shut up again.

"Oh my god, they're so cute!"

"Damn it, Caroline! Shut up"

"Ok, ok…"

Finally, Caroline closes her mouth and we watch the rest of the movie in silence. For the first time since Wendy was born I'm having fun like I used to do before all of this pregnancy madness kicked into my life. But, as everyone knows, I'm not the luckiest person on this earth and before the movie reaches it's end scene I feel my cell phone buzzing in my pocket.

The first time I don't pay attention to it but it keeps buzzing and buzzing until I get up and answer the phone. Who in hell could be calling this late at night? but I don't like the answer for that question so I just pick up crossing my fingers with a silent plea: I don't want bad news.

"Hello?"

"Elena…" Damon's voice. He sounds defeated and tired. His tone makes me shiver, I don't want more bad news…

"Damon? What's wrong?"

"I need you to come to the hospital as soon as you can" It's not a question, it's an order.

"What? Why? Is Wendy ok?"

Silence. I hate it when he goes silent.

"No" he answers after a short pause "I'm sorry"

And then I hear somebody's voice on the back and my heart seems to freeze.

 _Damon! Leave that bloody phone! She's not breathing!_

"Damon!" I scream into the phone but it's too late and the call is over.

* * *

 **Damon's POV**

After the longest thirty minutes of my life I finally hear the weak but steady beeping of the heartbeat monitor. She's on the safe side.

"Done…" Vicki breathes out closing the incubator again.

But this time I don't want to celebrate with her. Once I've made sure that Wendy is safe again I leave the room as fast as I can. Fear and fury are consuming my body and I decide to take it out on the hospital walls. Vic comes after me and finds me when I'm kicking a wall in a childish gesture.

"Hey!" she shouts pushing me away from the wall "Calm down, Damon. She's fine, you saved her…" she tries to reason with me.

"For how long, Vic?" I snap and my entire body aches at the thought, she can die any moment "What if she dies? What if I can't save her?"

"You can't save the whole world, Damon…" she tells me softly while she guides me to the chairs in front of the NICU doors, those same chairs I use to share with Elena.

"I have to, I can't let that baby die…"

"Let's face the truth… You know her heart should have stopped beating a few hours after she was born… She's a miracle, I don't think she'll give up now. That little baby is gonna be ok, she just needs more time"

"She could have died in my hands tonight…" I whisper and it feels terrible.

"But she didn't, Damon. You saved her" Vicki repeats.

"What am I gonna tell Elena?"

"The same thing you tell to any mother. That her daughter is on the line again and that we are doing everything we can to save her"

"It's _Elena,_ Vic…" I tell her expecting her to understand "You didn't see the joy in her eyes when she held her today… how am I gonna tell her that Wendy is in danger again?"

"You feel something for her" Vicki sounds surprised when she speaks, but she's not making a question.

"I do… I think I feel _everything_ for her"

* * *

 **Elena's POV**

I'd be lying if I say that I remember how I got to the hospital.

All I can think about is the fear that's burning me inside.

Outside It's raining and my clothes are completely soaked. If I try to remember the minutes that followed Damon's call, all I remember is fear, tears and rain. And then nothing. A blur of fear and darkness while Caroline drove me to the hospital.

I don't stop to wait for my friend and as soon as she stops the car I start running towards the hospital. I run across the hallways and stairs. It's almost four in the morning but I'm not tired and all I want is to know that she's ok.

When I finally reach the NICU doors, I see him. Damon stands when he hears me coming and when my eyes meet his all the questions I have for him are suddenly erased by the tears. I feel like I'm gonna fall but he's there to hold me and for a few seconds I allow myself to enjoy his warm arms.

"How is she?" I ask him absolutely desperate for the answer.

"Elena, you're soaked!" he tells me worried when he notices my wet clothes.

"I don't care. How is she?" I ask again, louder this time "What happened to her?" I cry.

"Hey… calm down" he holds my face in his hands to make me look at him.

"I don't want to calm down. I want to see my daughter" I mumble between sobs.

"She's not ok…" he tells me and I feel my heart breaking with his words "She has a high fever, and her body is not ready to manage the symptoms. Wendy has a lung infection…" he speaks softly holding me while he tells me about my daughter.

"What does that mean?" I whisper trying to stop crying.

"We have to wait and trust her… She needs the breathing tubes again so she's pretty much back at the beginning"  
"She could… _die_?" I ask him struggling to get the word out.

"I don't know, Elena" he says honestly and my sobs are even louder "I'm sorry, love" he whispers against my ear as he holds me against his chest.

"I need to do something"

"There's nothing you can do right now, you just have to trust her"

"I need to do something!" I almost shout, I'm losing my mind "I need to help her, she's my daughter"

"There's nothing you can do, Elena… I'm so sorry."

"No!" I scream trying to get away from him "You're not sorry, you don't know what I feel! Nobody does!" I'm losing my mind, I'm about to lose my baby again, I can't stop the tears, it feels like I'm drowning "I need her" my voice fades into a whisper and I feel like I'm gonna fall but Damon is there to hold me again and his arms wrap around my body to keep me standing.

"I know nothing can make you feel better now but I get what you're going though. I get it better than anyone, Elena… I know how hard it is, but there's nothing you can do right now. You just have to have hope and trust your daughter…"

I can hear the pain in his words. His voice and his arms around me calm me and the crying goes softer and softer until I start feeling near unconsciousness. The pain, my wet clothes, the cold, the tears, everything is just too much.

"I'm cold…" I whisper after a long moment.

"I know, you'll be ok" he promises me "I'll take you home and you'll be ok, Elena…"


	10. Sparks Fly

**Hello beautiful people!**

 **I'm back with a new chapter. I actually didn't like the way it was written in the original so the edition process turned into writing the whole chapter again... I really hope you like it because I worked really really hard on this one.**

 **As always, thank you for your support, you're AWESOME!  
**

 **I hope you enjoy it and remember to send my your thoughts on this with a review :)**

 **Love, Luna.**

* * *

 ** _Chapter 9: "Sparks Fly"_**

 _Fading in, fading out_

 _On the edge of paradise_

 _Every inch of your skin is a holy grail I've got to find_

 _Only you can set my heart on fire, on fire_

 _Yeah, I'll let you set the pace_

 _'Cause I'm not thinking straight_

 _My head's spinning around I can't see clear no more_

 _What are you waiting for?_

I can't really tell exactly what happened next. All I feel is Damon's arms and his soft voice trying to help me calm down.

I'm cold, shaky, tired and almost blinded by the tears, so I let Damon guide me and soon I find myself in his car completely soaked by the rain and covered by a soft leather jacket.

"I'm cold…" I whisper unable to speak any louder.

"I know, love. We're almost there , you'll be ok"

He sounds so confident that I allow myself to believe him and sleep takes over my body as I drift away until I reach unconsciousness

"Elena… Elena, don't be afraid, I'll take you upstairs."

"Mmm..." I mumble half asleep and I let out a soft moan of pleasure when I feel his arms wrapping around me as he lifts me up from his car. He's taking me in his arms like a little girl and everything smells like heaven. For a second I'm not cold, and I close my eyes again with my head against his chest. I'm in heaven, he's heaven.

I travel the space between asleep and awake for some minutes only listening to the steady beat of his heart against my ear and, at least for a while, I'm able to enjoy the safety he makes me feel.

"Wake up, beautiful. You need to get rid of those wet clothes" he says as he slowly puts me back on the floor and I struggle to find balance "Are you ok?"

"Yeah…" I mutter, my eyelids flutter open and I find myself shaking like an autumn sheet aout to be taken away by the wind.

"Come, you should take a hot shower"

All I can do is follow him because the thought of hot water against my body sounds like paradise and also just because it's him. Right now, I would jump from a cliff if he told me. That's how much I trust him.

Once we are in the bathroom he makes sure that I can stand by my own and he lets me go to prepare the shower. I don't notice my tears until he speaks again.

"Hey… are you crying?"

 _Am I?_

I don't know. All I know is that my baby's not ok and I want to be with her.

"I'm cold" I tell him again, but this time it doesn't have anything to do with the wet clothes, I feel ice in my heart, ice cutting through my entire body.

"Here, let me help you get out of these" he says softly takes the bottom of my sweater and takes it off carefully.

The truth is that I really am soaked to the bones, but the news about Wendy have left me numb and I can't really think about anything right now.

My wet clothes make a strange splashy noise when Damon lets them fall on the floor of the bathroom. I fear didn't have me captive, I wouldn't be letting him undress me, but that's not the case.

He takes his time and all I can see are his eyes, bluer and shinier than ever. He manages to slowly take all my wet clothes off and soon I'm standing in front of him covered only by my underwear, teary and shaking. It's not cold anymore, because the shower hot steam is surrounding us, we are in the middle of a cloud.

Damon stares deep into my eyes for what feels like an eternity and suddenly everything is more than what I can take. I don't know why, but I need to feel him more than my lungs need air so I give in to my desire and kiss him.

I can't remember having kissed somebody like that in my life. Or having been kissed like that for that matter.

I almost jump into his arms, I'm desperate. And he catches me. I don't have time to watch his reaction because my eyes are already closed and my lips are on his. He holds me tightly against his body but I feel that we're not close enough. Nothing is enough.

I kiss him with a kind of passion that I didn't know I was capable of and he kisses me back with the same feeling. He's consuming me and I'm consuming him and suddenly there's nothing else in the world. But I need more. I need his touch everywhere, I need to feel his skin.

While his hands gift my body with the softest and most passionate touches I've ever received, I start to unbutton his black shirt fighting to death against the buttons until I get tired and just rip the stupid thing away. I hear him releasing air in a sigh next to my ear and when I finally have him half naked in front of my my heartbeat rises. I don't know what I want, I want everything in the world, I want him, I want to be happy, but right on this second what I want the most is to feel his skin against mine.

I feel the tears filling my eyes and I don't know how, but he seems to figure out exactly what I need right now. I let him kiss me because I need this kiss now more than ever. Right now his lips are soft and loving, opposite to the impossible passion consuming our bodies just seconds ago. And he holds me against his naked chest.

His skin and mine touching everywhere, his raised heartbeat vibrating through my own skin. He holds me and I cling to him because he's the only thing that can save me now. And suddenly, I feel it. It takes me one second to figure out why I needed him so desperately.

 _I love you._ I whisper against the crook of his neck where I feel that nothing can ever hurt me.

But the words don't come out and we remain silently holding each other, I think he can feel it even when I can't let the words out. If this second here is not love then, what is love?

"You should really take that shower" he whispers softly after what feels like forever but he doesn't move.

"Yes, I should…" I agree but, just like him, I don't even attempt to let him go "I don't want to be alone"

"You're not" he responds too fast and my mouth curves on a small smile.

"You won't leave me, will you?" I ask him and I'm surprised with the weakness of my voice.

"I won't" his voice is strong and sounds honest and I really, really need to believe him.

"Never?" I whisper again and I feel him taking my face in his hands to make me look into his eyes.

"Not as long as you don't want me to…" he says, our foreheads resting one against the other and our hands intertwined.

"You promise?" I ask again and this time, he kisses me softly before answering me.

"I promise"

And I believe him.

I believe in his words because I love him. As simple as that. But I'm not ready to tell him and I don't know if he wants to hear it. My entire body shakes when he kisses me again, passion coloring our kiss.

"Shower" he mumbles against my lips "You need to shower"

"I need _you_ " I confess between kisses and I feel his hands running through my body lightning the passion on every inch of skin he touches.

"We can't…" he whispers trying to stop but we both know it's too late "You are not ok and…"

"Shh…" I hush him stealing another kiss.

"Elena…"

"I need you" I repeat before I kiss him again and this time my hands are all over his body. Touching and squeezing everywhere I can reach.

I didn't notice that we were walking but our passion moves for us and soon I feel the hot water falling against my back arching my body closer to Damon's instinctively. My arms are around his neck and I can feel him all over my body. The first drops of water that touch his skin and his black hair make him sparkle. He's the most beautiful human being I've ever seen.

"Why not?" I whisper breathless while one of my hands rests against his cheek, my other arm wrapped around his neck and my entire body against his.

He closes his eyes and I can almost feel the conflict in his heart. I don't know what he's hiding but right now I don't have time nor energy to think about that. I'm sad and scared and I'm madly in love with him. All I want right now is to feel him as close as possible.

When he opens his eyes and those shimmering blue oceans look at me I feel that my entire body could be consumed by him right now and I wouldn't mind.

Three seconds pass before he reacts, but when he does, everything explodes.

He pushes me against the cold wall and he kisses me again. This kiss makes every kiss I've ever been given seem a joke. For the first time, I'm really conscious about the age gap between us. I realise that I'm about to be loved by a man for the first time in my life and I moan in pleasure at the thought

I love him, every inch of my skin loves him and he seems to notice it.

His love is wild and overwhelming. He surprises me with every move he makes. He lights my body on fire with the simplest of actions and soon I'm nothing but a breathless mass of sensations in his arms. He holds me all the time, like if he was scared of me leaving him and he constantly checks if I'm ok by looking into my eyes.

I don't even know how, but we are soon naked in each other's arms and nothing compares to the feeling of his skin. He lifts me up and my legs wrap around his body without hesitation. I'm beyond everything right now, all I can do is feeling him, and nothing feels close enough.

He kisses my neck while I play with his hair and his fingers tease the hot flesh between my legs. I'm flying.

He doesn't need to voice his question when he looks into my eyes and I decide to answer with a kiss.

 _Yes, absolutely yours,_ says my entire body.

The world seems to stop spinning when our bodies are joined and for the first time in my life I want to cry of ecstasy.

Nothing has ever felt this right. I literally floating in pleasure and there's not sweeter symphony in the world than the heavy breathing of Damon against my ear.

I feel him consuming every piece of me and I let him do so. This is heaven, being loved by him is heaven. I've never thought that love could feel like this.

"Please… please don't let me go" I whisper between kisses and he held me even tighter.

"Never" he says, and it's a promise.

The sensations hit me like a wrecking ball and I feel my body exploding into a million tiny little pieces of white light. I'm no longer inside my body. Everything is white, I'm flying and I'm in love with him.

His voice sounds miles away when he follows me off the edge and I hear him calling my name with pleasure while I float through the air surrounding us in the form of tiny particles of light. I feel free, I feel powerful. I've never felt so much pleasure.

When I open my eyes, he's staring at me. A small smile decorating his reddened lips and his fingers playing with my wet hair, the water falling around us like a warm storm. I'm still breathless and my entire skin is flushing, I'm shaking with pleasure and everything seems more intense.

"You're glowing" he whispers and I smile. I actually smile in spite of all the bad things happening around us.


	11. Four-letter Word

_**Hi folks!**_

 ** _I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry for the waiting on this one._**

 ** _University is driving me CRAZY right now... next week is my Spanish term test and to say that I'm terryfied is not ven close enough..._**

 ** _Anyways... I really enjoyed translating and editing this chapter. The first half is, again, totally new, not part of the original story. I know I said I wouldn't do any Damon's PoV but... here I am again. Rules are there to be broken aren't they?_**

 ** _I really hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it._**

 ** _Please, please, please let me know what you think in a review :)_**

 ** _Lots of love and thanks for the patience,_**

 ** _Luna._**

* * *

 _ **Chapter 10: Four-Letter Word**_

 _All the lights that light the way are blinding_

 _There are many things that I would like to say to you_

 _But I don't know how_

 _I said maybe_

 _You're gonna be the one that saves me_

 _And after all_

 _You're my wonderwall_

 _ **Damon's PoV**_

Laughter.

I can hear her laughter.

I know I'm dreaming because I've never been able to picture her in my mind when I'm not sleeping. It's the middle of the morning, the sun is everywhere and I'm running after her. Her wild curls dance with wind and her laughter breaks the silence making me the happiest man in this world. This must be paradise.

I'm just about to catch her when suddenly I get stuck in the sand around us. She keeps running for a short while and I witness her approaching a small crib.

"Hello, baby" she talks to the baby in the crib with her sweetest tone, her voice echoing next to me as if she'd be whispering against my ear.

"Kath!" I call her, but she doesn't listen. All I want is to reach her, _them_.

"You are so beautiful…" she speaks again while she takes the baby in her arms and he giggles.

"Katherine!" I shout again but she doesn't notice me.

I'm confused and scared when I open my eyes. I can feel my heart beating fast and my breathing is anything but calm. And then I notice her.

I don't need to see her face to know that Elena is sleeping in my bed. Her head is resting against my chest and the sound of her breathing instantly helps me to calm down. I kiss her hair trying to drink in the peaceful state she seems to be in right now but that's not enough to erase the image of Katherine from my mind.

I bury my face in her hair trying to drown in her scent, trying to find the peace and joy that being with her brought me a few hours ago when we were in the shower together. She smells like paradise but it's not enough and even when I don't want to wake her up, I need her now more than ever. I need her to remind me what it is like to be happy before I start drowning on the depressing thoughts that dream has brought.

"Elena…" I whisper in her ear and then I trail kisses though the soft skin of her neck.

"Mmm…" she mumbles and I feel her body slowly coming back to life under my touch.

When I'm sure she's waking up, I lean in to her and kiss her sweet lips. It takes her a few seconds, but finally she kisses me back with equal passion. I need to lose myself inside her, I need her to make me feel loved, I need all of her. And I need her now.

"What…" she tries to ask but I interrupt her unvoiced question with another kiss.

"Shhh…" I whisper against her lips and her chocolate eyes stare into mine "I need you" is all I say and I hope she understands.

"Are you ok?" she asks me, her small hands on my chest, she must have noticed my racing heartbeat.

"I am" I tell her and somehow I know I'm not lying, not now that I have her with me, her hands in contact with my skin. She's the reason that I'm ok, her touch, her voice, the sweet chocolate shade of her eyes.

"Then kiss me" she whispers. I can't deny her anything so I do as she says. My lips find hers and soon I'm lost in her sweetness.

Elena is everything I didn't know I've been looking for and I make sure to show her how perfect she is. Skin contact seems to be as important for her as it is for me so we are constantly holding each other like it's never close enough.

I know she deserves to be pleased in as many ways as I can imagine but right now I need to be with her so bad that I can't stop myself.

We are so lost in each other that I don't know how or when but suddenly I'm sitting on the bed and Elena is on my lap, she's kissing my neck while she rubs herself against me, her naked body making full contact with mine. The simple friction has never felt so good. I love what she does to me…

"I need you" I tell her again recalling her words earlier in the evening "I want you so bad…"

"Then take me" she says with that captivating voice of hers and I'm lost.

I enjoy to see the pleasure in her face when I push inside her. Her eyelids close and her mouth opens in a silent cry. Her hands are on my back almost in the same instant and I feel her nails burying almost painfully in my skin.

"Damon…" she moans softly as she starts moving to match my rhythm and I know I could spend the eternity with her.

There's that feeling. Joy, peace, all the good things she makes me feel. We're in paradise.

"You're so beautiful…" I whisper against her skin while I kiss the spot of her neck where I feel her pulse. Life, she's life to my darkened existence.

"I… I…" she tries to speak but the pleasure breaks her words and she grabs my face to make me kiss her again. Her taste drives me crazy so I move faster and deeper inside her and she arches her back in pleasure managing to not break the kiss.

"Elena…" I moan trying to hold my orgasm, I'm not coming until she does.

"Let go…" she whispers looking deep into my eyes "Come with me"

And of course I do as she says. I can't resist her and with one more thrust we both explode with pleasure.

 _Let go._

Her words echo in my thoughts while we collapse on the bed together, limbs intertwined. We are nothing more than a mess of fear, heavy breathing and and crazy heartbeats. But I wouldn't change any of this for the world.

"Thank you" the words roll off my tongue without even thinking and I feel more than hear Elena's soft laugh against my chest.

"We're a mess" she states and she's never been more right.

"We are…" I whisper against her hair, drawing small circles on the bare skin of her back.

"I…" her words are interrupted by a yawn and a small laugh escapes my lips at the cute sound "I'm tired…"

"I'm sorry I waked you"

"No, you are not" she giggles like a little girl, I can feel her body relaxing against mine, she's going to be asleep really soon "It was nice…"

"Nice?" I ask her, a little offended by her choice of words.

"Ok, more than nice…"

"How much more?" I can feel something growing warm in my chest as she speaks, it feels amazing to be around her.

"I'm tired…" she repeats but I can hear the playful tone in her voice.

"Come on, I know you can manage something better than _nice"_

"Fine…" she breaths out and takes a second to think about it "Is _delightful_ good enough for your ego Doctor Salvatore?"

I can't help but laughing at her words and she rises her head to meet my eyes.

"Is it?" she demands and I nod my head smiling "Ok… It was an amusing delightful experience to be waken by you in the middle of the night. Feel free to that as often as you want" she smiles, her sleepy eyes shimmering "Better?"

"Much better, beautiful"

"Now can I go back to sleep?"

"Sure" I let a small laugh escape "Goodnight, Elena"

"Night…" she whispered against my skin. I felt her falling asleep a few heartbeats after that.

Outside the window, the sun is high up in the sky, but my room keeps the illusion of an endless night, our endless night.

* * *

 ** _Elena's PoV_**

The first thing a notice when I wake up is that it's still dark. Or it's dark again… I've completely lost track of time.

My head is a blur and I almost freak out when I discover that I'm laying naked on somebody else's bed. Then I see the most beautiful and peaceful image I've ever came across.

Damn. Why does he have to be so perfect?

It doesn't take me much to remember it all.

Rain.

Wendy in danger.

Rain.

Lungs infection.

Cold.

Damon's car.

Cold.

Damon's arms around me.

The shower.

His skin against mine, his hands.

A four-letter word ringing in my mind.

 _Love._

My skin is still tingling for his touch and something inside of me seems to have shifted overnight. Love? Is it really possible that what I feel for Damon Salvatore is love?

I'm not sure about how much time I spend watching him sleep. Being here on his bed with him, at his house… Somehow, he bringing me here feels like a silent way of allowing me to discover his present, and more important, his past.

I torture myself staring at him without touching him for a long while, forbidding myself to give in to the need to touch him but after a long moment of torture, I end up giving up. I promise myself that I'll only touch him for a few seconds and then I'll leave the bed and with a small smile I allow myself to curl up against his chest.

Heaven. His naked skin against mine feels heavenly.

I really wanted to keep my promise of leaving, but it feels so good to be with him that before I can gather the strength I need to leave, I'm falling asleep again.

When I wake up again it's still dark and and I'm not even fully awake yet when I perceive Damon's absence. I feel the panic slowly starting to spread inside my chest but soon I'm distracted by the sweet smell of something being cooked somewhere near.

I smile when I find a small pile of clothes next to the bed. A pair of socks, a T-shirt and a black sweater are waiting to cover my body.

I smile as I dress, completely charmed by Damon's scent surrounding my entire body, and when I'm done I walk outside the room following the appealing smell of food.

A wide grin takes reins in my face when I enter the kitchen to see a table set for two and Damon's concentrated expression while he cooks something I can't see from here.

"Hi…" greet him with a slightly shy expression and he immediately turns towards me with a smile.

"Good night, sleeping beauty" he says with a small laugh and he takes a few steps until he's close enough to wrap one of his arms around my waist and pull me against his body. His kiss is soft, hardly more than a small peck on the lips, but it makes me feel like I'm flying "You look stunningly beautiful tonight, Miss Gilbert" he smiles watching me on his clothes.

"Night?" I ask confused and I frown when I see the darkened sky through the window "What time is it? How much did we sleep?"

"It's twenty to ten… You needed that sleep"

"What? Did we sleep the whole day?" I ask confused.

"Well… we didn't exactly _sleep_ all the time…" he says with that special something in his voice that implies more that what he's actually saying and I flush a little trying to look down.

"I…" I mumble feeling my cheeks reddening "I think we should… talk?" I don't know why my voice sounds like a question, all I know is that I don't want all of this to end.

"Is that what you want right now?" he asks carefully, still holding me.

"Yes… no. Is it wrong if the answer is no?" I don't hide the fear from my eyes. Everything about he and I together feels scarring.

"If you ask me, I'd rather eat breakfast in the middle of the night with you and enjoy one selfish secret night with no worries together, we can talk tomorrow. But it's your decision, you're the one calling the shots…"

"Then the answer is no" I smile "I don't want to talk right now"

And then he flashes that breathtaking smile of his and he kisses me deeply and lovingly until I'm lost in crazy the sensations he makes run though my body.

 _Am I really in love with this man?_

How could I not be?


End file.
